The Role of the Scots Language and its place in Education

Whether Scots is even a language, rather than a dialect of English, remains controversial. According to a 2010 study commissioned by the Scottish government suggested “for most adults in Scotland, Scots is not considered a language.” The study found that 64% of people felt that Scots was either not a language, or merely a dialect of English, compared to a minority of 29% who considered Scots to be a language. However simply because it is not widely considered a language by the majority of the population, does not necessarily mean it is not a language. The biggest difficulty in determining the status of Scots is the lack of clear criteria as to what makes something a language rather than a dialect. Scots is clearly similar to English, yet there are distinct differences that separate it from the English language. Both are West Germanic languages that developed simultaneously and due to similar immigration patterns to Scotland as to England, they developed in similar ways. Arguments in favour of Scots being a legitimate language largely fall into two types, the first compares Scots with other languages and the second looks into the history of the Scots language. Scots was used by law-makers and officials in Scotland prior to the Union of Crowns in 1603. Noblemen, officials and even the Kings of Scotland spoke in the Scots language. ‘The Kingis Quair’, widely thought to have been written by James I of Scotland is written in Middle Scots, an older form of the language. These two lines from ‘The Kingis Quair’ are a good example of Middle Scots: “Of this and that, can I noght say quharfore,/Bot slepe for craft in erth myght I no more.” This languages has similarities with middle english (‘y’ replacing ‘i’ in ‘myght’ for example), yet has its own distinct set of grammatical rules that seperate it from English. The ‘quh’ before ‘quharfore’ is one such distinctly Scots example. ‘Quh’ was used as an alternative to ‘wh’ in middle Scots and is utilised as such throughout the quair. This rule can be further observed in the poetry of Alexander Montgomerie. Montgomerie was writing in the late 16th century, but the ‘quh’ rather than ‘wh’ is still utilised by the poet. “Quhen with a quhisk sho quhirlis about hir quheill” Middle Scots continued as a language for far longer than Middle English did. It was not until the Act of Union that Middle Scots shifted to modern Scots.

Proponents of the argument that Scots is a language, such as the Scottish government’s education website, point out the similarity between Norwegian and Danish. ‘Scots Online’ a website dedicated to the promotion of the Scots language, provide an example sentence in Norwegian and in Danish. First in Danish: “Kan ikke brukes i forbindelse med dimme utstyr eller elektronisk av og på mekanismer. Ikke egnet til bruk i helt lukkede armaturer.” Compared with Norwegian: “Kan ikke bruges i forbindelse med lysdæmper og elektronisk tænd-sluk-ur. Ikke egnet til helt lukkede armaturer” Norwegian and Danish are as similar as Scots is to English, if not more so, yet, as Scots language proponents establish, Danish and Norwegian are considered distinct and separate languages. Danes and Norwegains can understand each other, with little difficulty. The same cannot always be said for native Scots speakers and some English speakers. Scots occasionally have to modify their speech to be understood by those with little knowledge of Scots. According to proponents of Scots being a language, this implies that if Danish and Norwegian are legitimately separate languages, then so to are Scots and English. Yet this still does not conclusively prove that Scots is a language. Denmark and Norway are separate countries from one another, and each use their respective languages exclusively at official level. Both languages have standardised dictionaries and grammatical rules, neither face the problems created by a lack of defined standardisation that Scots faces.

Both the argument from history, and the comparison with other languages provide compelling arguments in favour of Scots being a language, but they are by no means conclusive. When compared to other regional variations of English, e.g. the traditional Yorkshire dialect, there does not appear to be any difference. The traditional Yorkshire dialect (that is now sadly almost non- existent) was as distinct from English as Scots is, if not more-so, yet few would argue that Yorkshire is a language. Similarly the language spoken in the North-East of England shares as much with Scots as it does with English, and has an entirely unique set of linguistic rules and words, again ‘Geordie’ is considered a dialect, not a language. The one difference between these dialects and Scots is that Scotland is considered a nation. Historically it was a separate country entirely, and many proponents of the Scots language argue that as Scotland is still a separate nation (albeit one in a Union with the rest of the UK), Scots is therefore separate on a political level. Whether the status of Scotland as a nation, and Yorkshire as merely a region, affects whether the respective dialects are languages or not is unclear. Without a specific definition as to what makes something a dialect and makes something a language it is difficult to determine. Whether or not it is a language is unclear, however it is currently recognised as a language by both the Scottish and British governments, so for the rest of this essay I will be working on the assumption that Scots is, indeed, a language. However even if it is not a language, the case for it being historically significant is sufficient evidence to its place in schools. Scots has clearly been significant in both the history and culture of Scotland, and it would be a case of double standards to omit the learning of Scots merely because of the inconclusive nature as to its status. Whilst 64% of Scots, according to the study mentioned above, may not believe Scots is ‘really’ a language, 55% of Scots believe the language/dialect should be taught in schools.

It is worth questioning whether there is a political agenda behind the increasing role Scots is taking in education. It is not a coincidence that this increase in cultural nationalism in education is occurring under a nationalist government. This is clearly the case. Whether this is occurring due to a genuine belief that cultural nationalism is important, or due to a notion that increased cultural nationalism will lead to increased political nationalism and thus help the current government win support for their core philosophy, is less clear. Anne Sobey, in her essay, establishes that: “It is recognised in Scottish nationalist circles that, without an increased sense of ‘Scottishness’ which would allow cultural separation from England, political independence would be difficult to achieve.” This begs the question, is the increased role of Scots (and other aspects of Scottish culture) in schools an attempt to create cultural separation from England? It is worth comparing Scots with the other non-English language of Scotland: Gaelic. Gaelic Medium Education in Scotland is being increasingly promoted by the Scottish Government, to the extent that last year they published their intention of setting up Gaelic education in every state primary school in the country. This may be a case of the government’s nationalist agenda being used to foster a cultural separation between Scotland and England. Unlike Scots, which is legitimately spoken across the country, Gaelic is confined to very small, sparsely populated parts of Scotland. Gaelic has not been spoken in lowland Scotland for centuries, and parts of Scotland have never spoken Gaelic. Encouraging Gaelic medium education in areas of the country that are predominantly Gaelic speaking should be encouraged, and every effort should be put into helping the survival of the language in these areas. Yet Scots is a different matter.

Nationalism for political benefit is potentially the driving force behind increasing the teaching of both Scots and Gaelic in schools. For Gaelic this creates the problem of an unimportant language being taught to people who have no background or cultural ties to the language, yet Scots is clearly different. Scots is spoken across the country, and 85% of people in Scotland speak Scots to some extent. Unlike Gaelic, Scots is clearly a language that has practical use and is utilised by most Scottish pupils on a day to day basis. Although nationalism for the sake of nationalism in education (and generally for society) is a negative thing, if it helps deliver education in the language that many Scots feel more familiar with, then (in this case) it is clearly beneficial. Anne Sobey notes this in her essay: “A huge gap exists between the Scottish experience and the English language”. Without the use of Scots there is a fear of creating a two-tier linguistic system for pupils, who are forced to learn in a language that is not, necessarily, their first language. There has been little research done looking into the impact of conducting lessons in Scots to pupils who speak Scots as their first language, however what little there has been has wielded positive results. One study by Matthew Fitt and Cathrin Howells, which looked into the impact of Scots being taught at a Glebelands Primary School in 2005 showed an improvement in the behaviour of pupils Scots speaking with low attainment levels. It is clear that teaching children in the language that is more familiar, or native to them, is beneficial.

Although there are clear benefits to teaching Scots, there are practical difficulties associated with the language. The biggest of which is the lack of standardisation. Unlike English, which went through a continued process of standardisation, dating back to Samuel Johnson’s A Dictionary of the English Language, Scots has had no real standardisation. Dictionaries have been created and compiled over the last few years in an attempt to remedy this problem, however Scots still lacks a complete formal code that other languages have. The most comprehensive dictionary in Scots, the Dictionary of the Scots Language, contains Older Scots, Middle Scots and Modern Scots words, yet includes words from every dialect of Scots. This provides another problem. Scots is made up of many regional dialects, which differ considerably from one another. The Doric dialect of the North East of Scotland, for example, is distinct and separate from the Glaswegian dialect. Take the English word ‘child’ for example, in Glaswegian the correct term would be ‘wean’, yet in Doric it is ‘bairn’. Similarly words such as ‘loun’, ‘quine’, ‘muckle’, ‘fit’, and ‘ken’, all commonly used in the Doric dialect, are not understood by native Glaswegian speakers. All exist within the Dictionary of the Scots Language, however. This is problematic as there becomes no clear distinction between one form of Scots and another, rather the collection of Scots words is a collection of different dialects that are not heard together. The sentence ‘The wean is a quine’ is a sentence using Scots words included in the dictionary, yet it is a sentence that would be heard neither in Glasgow (due to the word ‘quine’) nor Banffshire (due to the word ‘wean’). Teaching Scots one must be careful to ensure that the Scots language being taught is one that is local and makes sense to the pupils in the local area. The benefit of learning Scots in a school in Keith would be lost if the Scots taught was one resembling Glaswegian, rather than the local Doric dialect.

Another significant problem faced with teaching Scots, is linked to the lack of standardisation, and that is how to write in Scots. Scots has not been a written language in any meaningful way for centuries. Although poets have written their poems down in Scots, there are huge discrepancies and differences in how it is written. ‘To a Haggis’ by Burns provides one example of written Scots: ‘Fai fa’ your honest sonsie face’. Burns makes use of the apostrophe in “fa”, something which modern poets or Scots writers would not do. The government education website advises “An apostrophe tells us that something is missing, but in Scots words like greetin, daein, lowpin, snawin etc, there is no missing letter g”. Tom Leonard makes use of the lack of standardised form of Scots by writing in a completely different way: ‘iz coz yi/widny wahnt/mi ti talk/aboot thi/truuth wia/voice lik/wanna yoo/scruff.” These examples are both legitimately Scots, yet entirely different from one another. Teaching Scots, without firm grammatical rules or standardised spelling, is difficult. Yet standardising spelling and creating one correct form of the language is something that linguists are unwilling or unprepared to do. There is a risk that much of the fluidity or natural flow of the language could be lost if certain ways of writing or spellings of words are declared incorrect. Education Scotland are aware of the difficulties presented in writing in a language with few fixed rules, and simply advise consistency. There is a potential problem with teaching pupils to write in a language which does not have any rules, and there is a fear it may have a negative impact on their English writing, a language with a fixed orthography. Interestingly though, according to a study by Celia Craig, conducted in Westhill Academy in Aberdeenshire, the use of Scots actually helped pupils grasp linguistic concepts. She claims “Scots clearly emerges as an enhancing element in pupil acquisition of language and linguistic concepts.”

A further practical difficulty with Scots is pupil’s difficulties in differentiating between Scots and slang. According to the study mentioned above, conducted by Celia Craig: “The S5/6 response at the focus Secondary School featured pupil inclusion of what might be termed teenage jargon words (e.g. “stonkin”, “mingin”) as Scots.” It is therefore crucial to begin lessons in Scots at an earlier age, in order for pupils to be aware of what constitutes Scots, and what is merely Scots sounding slang. These are difficulties associated with a non-standardised language. Without specific rules it can be difficult to determine whether a word is a legitimate part of the language, or if it is slang. ‘Mingin’, the example used by Craig, is included in some Scots dictionaries as a legitimate word. ‘Mingin’ is derived from the Scots ‘ming’ (meaning smell) and is legitimately used as a Scots word in certain regional Scots dialects. Yet clearly there is difficulty in determining whether it actually is a real Scots word, or merely an example of slang. When it is unclear due to the lack of standardisation, it is difficult to accurately teach children correctly. One teacher may consider it a legitimate word, whilst another may not. Reasonable guidelines must be put in place, but must be done so whilst being mindful of the region one is in.

The GUU Misogyny Row: Why the Leftists Must Take a Back Seat

In the final of the Glasgow Ancients debate, held at the GUU, two female debaters were allegedly subject to sexist abuse by some board members of the Glasgow University Union. You can read about the abuse Rebecca Meredith and Marlena Velles were subject to here.

Much of the student body at Glasgow University have reacted angrily to the stories of misogyny and petitions and facebook pages condemning the actions of these GUU board members sprung up quickly. Many societies have dissafiliated with the GUU in the wake of the allegations, including the Feminist Society, Labour Club and Scottish Nationalists. Anger has spread across the political spectrum and the comments have been widely condemned by most in the student body. Even those who are generally apolitical have found a voice and have reacted to these allegations.

Glasgow University has a problem, however. That is the extreme leftists. There are large swathes of far-left groups, and people affiliated with the extremist UK Anti-Cut group (who claim to be opposed to all forms of government cuts). Recently they have been very active in ensuring far left candidates have prevailed at SRC (Student Representative Council) elections, similar to the leftist control over the University of Edinburgh's EUSA.

Unfortunately these leftists destroy any chance of reasonable political discourse at the university. Nationalist far-leftists heckled and booed Jackie Baille of the Better Together campaign during the recent mock referendum held at the Uni, causing anger from both Nationalists and Unionists. Anything resembling a protest at Glasgow University has turned into an easily targetted farce as soon as the leftists take control. These leftists took direct action to illegally occupy the Hetherington building only two years ago. Having a wide range of political opinions and groups is healthy for a university, but the far-left craving for absolute power over political proceedings has been detrimental to student politics, and more aptly, to genuinely important protests and political issues.

Students across the UK took part in protests against the rise in tuition fees, myself included. However in Glasgow, as was the case in Edinburgh, the leftists took control and forced their anti-cut agenda upon the protest. As someone who is not on the extreme left, I felt angry that the protest had been hijacked by the far-left and that those of us who are moderate, but still felt we wanted to protest against raising tuition fees, were suddenly associated and involved in those with extremist politics.

We cannot let this happen in the protest against misogyny at the GUU.

If the leftists take control I believe nothing will be acheived in our fight to reform the student union. The GUU board will be able to dismiss the campaign as being another one perpetuated by the loony left brigade, and not one which has support of us moderates, and even those who take little interest in student politics.

So far the campaign is reasoned, and a single issue campaign. I applaud this, but it must remain the same.

Reading a blog this morning by Tarzan Girl I worry that the far left are already trying to stamp their agenda on proceedings. The GUU is largely a traditional, conservative union frequented by the middle classes, as opposed to the more liberal Queen Margaret Union. This makes the GUU the antithesis to the ideals of the leftists on campus. Tarzan Girl's blog is a call to arms amongst the far-left against the GUU as a whole, not simply a call for something to be done about the recent case of misogyny. I am concerned that people who have an agenda against the GUU are using this as an excuse, and aim to use this scandal to further their own, biased, agenda.

Tarzan Girl's criticisms of the GUU are enlightening. She dislikes Chris Sibbald for going on a 'Zionist Rant'. This implies that there is some sort of problem with Zionism, or perhaps a belief that pro-Israeli views are somehow associated with misogyny. This is nothing short of a rallying cry for leftists, who are passionately anti-Israel. It emphasises the true problem the far-left have with the GUU. Tarzan Girl complains about the GUU stealing a banner from the illegal occupation of the Hetherington Building, before displaying their trophy on the turret of the GUU. She is carrying bitterness over a student joke and using this as ammunition against the Union as a whole. To really get the leftists angry she has posted a picture of Chris Sibbald wearing a dinner jacket, smoking a cigar. Evidently she believes class prejudice is a valid reason to dislike an institution.

Misogyny is wrong. The misogyny that occured at the GUU is wrong. The GUU as a whole is not. It is a proud institution which needs aspects of it, reformed. This will not occur if the far-left control the protest. We in the student body, whether left-wing, right-wing or apolitical, need to unite to ensure this remains a single issue campaign. That is the only way we can reform the misogynistic nature of some in the GUU board. 

The Naked Truth: A Clothes Optional Blog

Steven Gough, better known as 'The Naked Rambler', was today jailed for almost two more years for once again being naked in public here in Scotland. You can read the BBC article here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-tayside-central-14649394

Here is some background on Steven Gough. He set off from Lands End in 2005 in an attempt to walk from there, across the country, until he would finally reach John O'Groats. It took him two short months to get to Scotland, still in 2005, and that is when his attempt stalled. Scottish law is very strict on public nudity and he has been arrested, re-arrested and sentenced to months on end in prison. Each time he has been released, each time he has stripped off to continue his journey and each time our finest boys in blue have re-arrested him and charged him. Today's sentence is only the latest in the past six years which has seen Mr. Gough in Scottish prison for the majority of the past decade.

I have a few problems with this, but most importantly, how is it in the public interest to keep Steven Gough in prison? Looking at a wrinkly naked body may not be the nicest thing to do in the world, but does that justify him spending seven years in prison? I generally dislike comparing prison sentences, but any Daily Mail reader will tell you that murders and rapists are getting lighter sentences. The crime that Mr. Gough is perpetually guilty of is 'breach of the peace' and 'contempt of court'. To be honest, putting someone in jail for so long for such minuscule crimes seems ridiculous.

There have been remarkably few complaints about Mr. Gough's nudity and far more messages sent to the Scottish authorities in support of him. I do not understand why this man should have to spend so much time locked up for being in the most natural state of dress there is. It is not as if he is breaking any sexual law or frightening or hurting anyone. He is a man who is sticking to his principles, and good on him. If someone wants to walk from Lands End to John O'Groats then good on them! This highlights how petty aspects of our legal system can be, and how little common sense the Scottish authorities seem to have.

It is common sense that the English authorities retained, never arresting him and never charging him when he walked the longest distance in his journey. I support Steven Gough, the Naked Rambler, and hope that eventually our authorities realise how pathetic and silly they are being. Nudity is not considered to be a serious problem amongst most of the public, yet it seems to be a huge problem in our legal system. Next time you are naked, whether it is in the shower tomorrow morning, or if you are about to start your own walk from Lands End to John O'Groats, spare a thought for a man who will eventually spend at least seven years in prison for daring to be natural. Free the Naked Rambler!

Top Five T Moments

I have already written a blog about which five acts I enjoyed the most at T in the Park this year, but festivals are about more than just watching bands. There is a great atmosphere which means there are always special moments which will live long in the memory. I have decided to list my top five. A top five without flares or even the really fat man who was lifted up by about 10 people in the crowd during The Strokes, but here they are:

5. 'Fuck You Scotland!' - OFWGKTA

After House of Pain finished a fantastic set the next band due on the NME stage where called 'OFWGKTA'. Myself, like many others, where intrigued about this act with their impossible to pronounce name (I have subsequently found out that they are initials for Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All, whatever that means). It turned out they where an angry rap band with a fondness for the word 'Bitch' and shouting. We lasted one song before leaving, along with about half of the NME stage crowd. One of the 'singers' of OFWGKTA reacted like all angry rap band members should do, by screaming 'Fuck You Scotland' at the fiercely nationalist crowd. We laughed, went for a slash and made our way to the Main Stage to watch a set by a former Guns n Roses guitarist.

4. We Came Here To Dance, Not To Exercise!

At 2:45 PM on Sunday at Balado Air Field the heavens opened and there was rain so bad it went through my jacket, through my cardigan, through my T-shirt, through my jeans, boots and even undies. It was miserable, wet and cold. It didn't matter though, we where standing in the Inner Circle waiting to see Blondie. Who cares about rain when we have Blondie coming along to lift our spirits? However, at 3pm instead of being treated to a seminal pop/punk band from New York, two excitable young X-Factor wannabes took to the stage in eighties style spandex. They ran on and told the crowd that they where there to get us all dancing to Salt n Pepa's 'Push It'. They then ran through the entire dance and played the song, to a chorus of booing. The entire crowd seemed to boo. We were wet, we were cold, we were tired and we wanted Blondie! The two dancers where organised by the Scottish Government as part of a 'Keep Scotland Fit' campaign. Apparently in a place where all we do is dance, cheer and jump, what was needed was the government to get us dancing... I felt a little sorry for the two dancers who had boos and bottles hurled at them, but it really was not the time or place. I think the moment they finally left the stage elicited one of the largest cheers of the entire festival.

3. Mud Slides! Mud Hugs! Mud, Mud, Mud!

Walking back to the campsite on Sunday night involved mud. You couldn't avoid it, the place was covered. More impressively however where the legends who went for large mud slides. They got absolutely covered and would invariably chase anyone who looked in the least bit clean in order to give them a big muddy hug. Only in a music festival would you see a huge mud monster chasing a clean girl who is concerned that she might get a little mud on her! Mud slides, mud hugs and mud fights where the order of the evening. Funniest muddy moment had to include the people slipping over, often face first, right into the muddy oblivion. Poor buggers, but secretly really really funny. I just hope none of them slipped in the mud around the urinals.

2. Bohemian Rhapsody

Late on Sunday I ventured down to the Ballroom Jam Tent in order to get a good position for Eels. Before Eels however Noah and the Whale where due to play. Just before Noah and the Whale where about to go on stage there was an instrumental version of Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody played over the sound system. The tent was absolutely packed and everyone in there knew the song, word for word. It was a great sing along which reverberated and echoed throughout the packed tent. There where a few great sing-alongs throughout the festival, but there was something particularly good about Bohemian Rhapsody.

1. Thank You, and Good Bye...

Sunday happened to not only be the last day of T in the Park 2011 but also the date of the last ever edition of disgraced gutter rag 'The News of the World'. Instead of apologising for phone hacking scandal, the paper ran with the front page 'Thank you, and Good Bye'. Jarvis Cocker seemed quite angry at this. Cocker ranted about the 'News of the World' and produced a copy of the last ever edition. He then proceeded to remove the first page and wipe it against his backside, shouting 'This is the only good thing this bloody paper has been useful for in 168 years'.

Here are some photos of the incident (note, not taken by me):

Cocker during his rant about the 'news'paper.

And about five minutes later showing us what he thinks:

Pulp had a fantastic set and Jarvis Cocker's actions and obvious hatred of the Murdoch-owned paper was brilliant. All in all that makes up my top five moments of T in the Park 2011.

Top Five T in the Park Acts

Freshly showered and shaved after returning from Balado, I had been sitting watching highlights of T on the BBC website. As expected the majority of bands I enjoyed were not filmed for TV. To remedy this I have decided to create a short post listing the five acts I enjoyed the most. I enjoyed T, even though I thought the line-up was poor. Unlike the last time I attended there where only a couple of bands I really wanted to see. Whilst the headliners where no doubt impressive names, I thought the smaller bands where disappointing. Though of-course I still had a thoroughly enjoyable time, and there where a few moments which where absolutely thrilling. Here they are in descending order.

5. House of Pain

It turns out they are more than just 'Jump Around'. Beginning with a tribute to Nate Dogg, House of Pain had the crowd in a good mood whilst the sun was out. I have often found rap acts to be poor live as often they seem little more than angry men shouting at a crowd of people. House of Pain were not like this, they got the crowd going and used live music. They closed with 'Jump Around' which had the entire NME stage jumping up and down.

4. Slash

We made our way to the Main Stage to witness the former Guns n Roses guitarist play after watching the quite frankly scary OFGWKTA (The chorus of their first song appeared to be 'KNOCK KNOCK...BITCH' and when that rather interesting shouty rap song was finished one of the members shouted 'FUCK YOU SCOTLAND' to the crowds of us who where leaving, unsure of what sort of performance the NME Stage where welcoming). Slash was fantastic, he played four Guns n Roses songs along with two Velvet Revolver songs and got the crowd going fantastically. Paradise City as their departing song was brilliant with the crowd continuing to sing the chorus long after they left the stage. Love them or hate them, it's hard to deny that Guns n Roses songs get the crowd going.

3. Woodenbox With a Fistful of Fivers

Absolutely fantastic live performance. They played the T-Break stage (stage for unsigned bands, usually those with a fair bit of hype behind them) on Saturday afternoon and where the first band who I really got into. Unfortunately I had found Friday fairly boring (apart from the fear of suffocation in amidst the Pendulum crowd) and the first couple of bands I saw on Saturday where disappointing. Woodenbox really kicked off the festival for me. With a pint of cold lager in one hand I watched them perform a set which included their best songs. First time I've seen them live and really think they come into their own onstage.

2. Pulp

Pulp! An utterly brilliant performance. One of the last bands I saw but just incredible. Jarvis Cocker engaged with the audience better than anyone else I saw during the festival. I particularly enjoyed seeing him take out a copy of the News of the World (as in the last one ever) only to rub it against his arse like toilet roll whilst shouting 'The only good thing this paper has done in 168 years". Apart from Cocker's theatrics the music itself was performed brilliantly. The atmosphere in the Golden Circle was better than I thought it was at any other point. They kicked off the start of a fantastic Sunday evening.

1. Eels

Simply wonderful. Eels have such a rich catalogue of songs to play and they chose their set list wisely. The band walked on, all with beards, aviators and all of them looking dapper with either suit jackets or waistcoats on. The choreography was brilliant and done professionally (apart from the slightly out of tune rendition of 'Happy Birthday' performed for the guitarist). Personal favourite part of their set was 'Novocaine for the Soul/I Like Birds'. After finishing the former the band immediately blasted into a sped up version of the latter with the audience being left to shout 'BIRDS!' as quickly as we could muster before the musicians played again.

I snapped a picture of Mr E. and the bassist Koool J Murder:

Eels where not only the best band I saw, but the final band. It was great to end T on such a high, and whilst it was not a great T it was a great time.

Top Five Words I'm Bringing Back!

Since moving down to the central belt of Scotland I have noticed that many of the words and expressions I grew up using are not used down here. I have had people get confused at things I say, people laugh at what I say and people even refusing to believe that the words I am using are 'real' words. Quite frankly, I am sick of it. I am sick of going to a chippy and not a chipper, I am sick of eating bacon rolls instead of bacon softies and if I hear one more person put 'eh?' at the end of every sentence instead of the far more normal work of 'like?' then I think I am going to get on a bussie (not bus) home.

I was going to compile a list for people unfortunate enough to have been born outwith the North East of Scotland of what words should actually be used, but then I noticed that even regular British English terms, such as 'biscuit', are being replaced with Americanised rubbish, like 'cookie'.

Perhaps five is not enough, but welcome to my list of the top five words and phrases which I am bringing back into regular conversation!

5. Fairy Cake - Replacing 'Cup Cake'

Agh! Fairy cake is such a fantastic term. There is no noun in the English language which cannot be improved without the word 'Fairy' preceding it. Yet for some reason it seems increasingly popular to call the poor little things 'Cup Cakes'. The term offends me deeply. I was heartened by the BBC website yesterday when I noticed that they had a recipe for 'Fairy Cakes', not 'Cup Cakes'. As far as I am concerned they have just justified the license fee.

4. Chipper - Replacing 'Chippie'

On twitter today I courted controversy by ranting about the term 'Chippie'. I hate the term 'Chippie'. To me a chippie is a stone (literally a chipped stone), similar to a chuckie, yet it seems that since I have moved down to the central belt of Scotland that everyone calls it a 'Chippie'. To me it always has been, and always will be a chipper. Could you imagine going to the 'World Famous Bervie Chippie'? Of course not! Yet four separate people on twitter and two more on facebook rejected 'Chipper' for 'Chippy'. I fear I may be too late on this one.

3. Softie - Replacing 'Roll'

A softie is a round bread thing. It seems to be called a 'roll' here in Edinburgh, and possibly other parts of the UK as well. However where I am from, and I am sure much of the UK, the correct term is 'Softie'. The term 'roll', is just confusing. Firstly if you go into a bakers and ask for a 'Roll' how do you know if you will end up walking home with a bread roll or if you will end up with a Buttery or Rowie? Secondly, if you want a sausage softie, how do you ask for it? Ask any self-respecting bakers for a Sausage Roll and they will give you the savoury pastry snack, not the sausage softie you require!

2. Advertisement - Replacing 'Advertisement'

I admit this one makes very little sense written down as both words are spelt the same and mean the exact same thing but are pronounced completely differently. An Advertisement should be pronounced 'Advertis-ment', however it seems to be becoming increasingly common to hear people pronounce it 'Advertize-ment'. It is a pet hate of mine but everyone from members of my own family to people on television seem to be watching 'Advertize-ments' instead of 'advertisements'. It is almost as bad as people who send out 'invites' instead of 'invitations'.

1. Quine - Replacing 'Girl'

I use the term 'girl' all the time, and very occasionally use the word 'lassie'. In fact I almost never call girls 'quines' in regular speech. Growing up in an area where 'Quine' is commonly used I still said 'girl' instead. However this must change. 'Quine' is a fantastic word, it rolls off the tongue, it sounds brilliant and really girls should be called 'quines' and treated as 'quines'. If you are wondering the North East term for 'boy' is actually 'loon'. Really boys should be called 'loons'... I am taking it upon myself to start calling girls 'Quines' from now on. It is time to take my language back!

The Nationalists

This is an old blog post I wrote on another blog I used to use. Given the Holyrood election results I thought I may as well post it here. Enjoy.

I was struck by something an SNP activist told me earlier today, he said ‘I feel sorry for people in England, if I lived there I wouldn’t know who to vote for.’ He, knowing I am a member of the Labour party, was probably trying to get a rise out of me. An attempt at fishing to try and get into the debate SNP supporters love so much about whether any of the three ‘London parties’ are in fact different at all. Rather than go down this tedious route I told him ‘That is because your social cleavage is your nationality.’ He decided not to continue talking about that and instead canvassed me about the renewal of Trident.

It made me think though, about how SNP voters view politics. I believe that supporters of the three main UK parties look at politics based on an ideology of sorts. Be it conservative, liberal, social liberal, libertarian, socialist or otherwise. Based on that ideology we perhaps find the party we feel best fits that ideology or the one which has the most policies that fall into our chosen category. I am unsure if this is the way the Nats view their political beliefs. The nationalist who spoke to me this morning was wearing a Scotland soccer shirt for instance, and spoke in a very broad Scottish accent (one I cynically felt he was over-emphasising for effect). Although he spoke to me about policy I felt it was his Scottishness that defined his politics, something so alien to me. This man was a Scottish person therefore his politics needed to be Scottish. I am a social democrat, therefore my politics need to be social democratic. I am also Scottish and happy to be so, but mixing national pride with politics is something frightening to me but I am beginning to think that is perhaps how the Nationalists view the political landscape.

Where Next for Scottish Labour

Scotland is now firmly in the hands of the nationalists. After a resounding defeat Labour are left licking their wounds and we now have to wonder what to do next and figure out where it all went wrong.

This was Labour's failure and Labour's election to lose. They just did not get the message across.

I had a look at my constituency which was an SNP gain from Labour. The Labour Candidate (Sarah Boyack) actually increased the number of votes and increased her share of the vote compared to the last election. Last time she won with a fairly sizeable majority, a full 2,000 votes ahead of the SNP candidate.

This year was a different story. Although more people in this constituency voted for Ms Boyack she lost.

The loss came from the Liberal Democrats. The Lib Dem candidate lost 3,000 votes compared to this time four years ago, the majority of which went straight to the SNP candidate, leaving the SNP winning the seats by just 250 seats.

It is clear from this that the Labour losses didn't come from Labour supporters, but came from dissatisfied Liberal Democrat voters turning the back on the unionist parties and voting for the Nats.

But why?

Quite simply it is because Scottish Labour gave them no reason to vote for them. Labour's manifesto was dire, it was left of center but not particularly progressive. It promised certain policies, like keeping tuition fees free, that would entice Lib Dem supporters, but crucially they where policies the SNP also supported.

Labour need to become the liberal-left force in Scotland.

I voted for Ed Miliband as leader because he was the progressive candidate. Not the left-wing candidate, but the candidate best suited to put forward left-liberal policies. Socially liberal ideas with a left leaning stance.

That is what Scotland needs and that is what Britain needs.

Scottish Labour need to show they are the progressive party that they are becoming down south, other wise they risk never getting back their key Scottish support base.

Thanks Again Nick Clegg

One day before the Scottish election it is already clear that the SNP will remain the largest party in Holyrood. Some opinion polls put the Nationalists almost 10 points ahead of Labour in the race for the Scottish Parliament. This, considering how far ahead Labour where in polls just a few months ago, seems surprising.

The frustrating thing is, it all seems to have happened because of the coalition government in Westminster. By that I do not mean voters decided that the best way to deal with a Tory-led government is by having a spew of nationalism, but due to the complete capitulation of the Liberal Democrats. Liberal Democrat supporters down south may be satisfied with the government, and may not mind that they are cosying up to the political equivalent of Lex Luthar, but up here they do. The same polls which suggest the SNP are so far ahead are showing the Liberal Democrats in fourth, and sometimes fifth place. Liberal democrat voters, it seems, are jumping ship, and where are they going? The Nationalists.

Don't get me wrong, if Labour had campaigned properly then perhaps the fall-out of Lib Dem voters would be swallowed up by Labour instead of the SNP, but had the Liberal Democrats not gone into power with the Tories down south then Labour would probably still be ahead in the polls.

It is frustrating to see a country which does not want independence from England (Poll results show less than a third of voters do) is going to be led by a government who want nothing but independence.

Unfortunately for Scottish Labour and the Scottish Liberal Democrats the best politicians our country produces decide to go to Westminster. Instead of going to our mickey mouse parliament which is full of sound-bites and the constant use of the word 'Scottish' to describe anything they are trying to get done, they have gone to the real parliament.

I would do the same. If I where planning on becoming a politician (don't worry, I'm not), I would be Labour in Westminster.

The same cannot be said for the Nats, because they actually care about the Scottish parliament more than the real parliament. To the extent that it is not longer the Scottish Executive that leads the country, but now it is the Scottish 'Government'. All the best Nationalists, the most charismatic, clever and vote-winning, remain up here in our parliament.

All in all Labour's campaign was doomed, and had we better Labour politicians remain in Holyrood maybe we could have picked up the Liberal Democrat disillusioned voters.

Although part of me would love to see the Lib Dems decimated, I hope they have a resurgence and take back some of these votes which have strayed to the Nationalists. The last thing this country needs is a government who spend half the time pursuing separatism.

Celebrating Hume's Tercentenary

Today marks 300 years since the birth of seminal philosophy, David Hume. Hume is widely considered to be one of the most influential and significant philosophers to ever write in the English language. He was at the forefront of the 'British Empiricism' movement and a promenant figure in the Scottish Enlightenment. Immanuel Kant once said, with reference to Hume, he "awoke me from my dogmatic slumber".

Living in the city Hume conducted most of his work and lived most of his life I decided to celebrate his 300th birthday by going on my own private Hume tour in sunny Edinburgh.

I began at the statue of David Hume which sits at pride of place on the Royal Mile:

Next I went to see the new Hume exhibition at the Scottish Writer's Museum next to Edinburgh Castle. The exhibition opened today and included first editions of his works as well as letters he wrote. Unfortunately I arrived whilst the press where viewing it and had to wait outside for nearly an hour. This is the outside of the building, no photography allowed inside:

After visiting the exhibit I walked to the Old Carlton Burial Site and went to the impressive grave of David Hume. It was quiet but very interesting to see, in a beautiful part of the city. Here I am there:

Note the morose look I have, not due to genuine sadness but because the French woman who took my photo (and had never heard of David Hume) thought it was insensitive to take a photo of someone's grave. I thought a smile might make it look even more insensitive!

Finally I took a photo of an interesting epitaph written on the monument:

It reads:

Behold I Come Quickly

Thanks be to GOD which

Giveth us the victory through

the Lord JESUS CHRIST

Quite interesting to see a man who was notoriously critical of religion (to the point he was blocked from becoming philosophy chair of the University of Edinburgh) to have such an overtly religious message on his grave site. Indeed, shortly after his death had his Dialogues Concerning Natural Religion published in which he argues extensively against the existence of God.

It was nice to enjoy the weather and visit memorials to David Hume. It is exciting that such an influential philosopher lived and worked in my city.

My one regret is I found out that there has been a commemorative Ale called 'Enlightenment' which is brewed in honour of David Hume. It even features his picture on the beer mats and logo. Unfortunately I found this out after I got home, but there is a pub on the Royal Mile that is selling it.

I think by the end of the week I shall have to get a real taste of Hume!

The Real Problem is the Internet

It has been announced this evening (well last night technically) that the police have been working with Internet Service Providers to find out the home addresses of online bigots involved in Old Firm sectarian hate campaigns. At least 50 people have been targeted by the police, and ahead of the Celtic - Rangers showdown they will be raiding the home addresses of the internet hardmen in an attempt to prevent sectarianism.

Strathclyde police claim those that they are targeting have used sectarian terms to describe Celtic's manager Neil Lennon and people who have used racist terms online to describe Rangers hate figure El Hadji Diouf.

On the one hand I agree that sectarianism is a blight on our society. The vast majority of us want to see sectarianism eradicated, along with racism, sexism and homophobia. But what will this really achieve?

According to police figures domestic violence almost doubles on Old Firm game days. The rate of people in Glasgow attending A&E increases by over a third and Strathclyde police have to put an extra 1,000 officers on duty to try and prevent violence from breaking out. These statistics are shocking. When Celtic and Rangers play there are a large and vocal minority who sing offensive songs which glorify the IRA and express prejudice against Catholics.

This needs to be stopped and I support police efforts to prevent violence and offensive singing at games. But does some eejit on twitter calling Neil Lennon a 'Fenian' really require their home to be raided? Is it worth the effort of not only arresting such people, but going through the difficult process of discovering the home address of someone using the internet pseudo-anonymously?

Do not get me wrong, anyone who uses such language I condemn, but people who sit on facebook or on forum websites using sectarian terms and holding archaic views are not the problem. It is the people who use football as an excuse to kick each other's heads in who are the poison in our country.

Maybe I am wrong, but I can't imagine the wee ned sitting on facebook acting hard and using offensive language is the same person who will spend the day kicking seven shades of shit out of anyone wearing the wrong coloured football top.

I may not like what they say, but the perceived anonymity provided by the internet will lead a lot of people who are quiet as a mouse in reality to act tough. After the recent case where Paul Chambers lost his job and was convicted due to making a joke on twitter about blowing up an airport I have began to fear that the police and the courts are misunderstanding the processes and actions of the internet. I also fear they will misunderstand irony.

All in all I do not want to see people convicted of inciting racial hatred, or menacing behaviour because they ignorantly tweeted something without thinking about any perceived consequences. I fear we will live in a society where everything written on the internet is not only taken seriously, but often taken as being a credible threat to decency. 99% of the time it is just a case of someone acting like an internet hard-man.

The Haar Is Coming!

This is the view from my flat's window. Instead of the normal view of the impressive Fettes College (Tony Blair's School don't you know, the Eton of the North) all I can see is the start of some trees and an incoming gray mist, looking like it is preparing to swallow my fair city whole.

'Haar' is a Scottish Term for the sea mist which envelops towns and cities near the coast. Because of this it always reminds me of the sea, and as depressing as grey clouds can be, there is something romantic and almost pretty about the incoming haar. I think it may just remind me of living in Aberdeen when I was young.

Unfortunately the picture does not show the haar properly. The greyish building at the front of the photo is slightly shrouded in mist in reality, yet in this picture it looks pretty clear. Tomorrow I might post a normal picture of the view so you can see how much of it is being obscured.

Celtic Fans Already Mourning Lennon's Death?

In the wake (sorry, couldn't resist the pun) of Neil Lennon's attempted murder from a parcel bomb the Scottish public have reacted in a few different ways. Most of us have condemned the actions, some have ignorantly shown support for the letter bombing, some have used this as evidence that the Old Firm game on Sunday should be played behind closed doors.

A certain group of Celtic fans, however, seem to have already decided that Neil Lennon is dead, by holding a Candlelight Vigil in Neil Lennon's name. Now to clarify not all candlelight vigils are done in memorial to lost ones. Some are done in order to show support or to protest the suffering of marginalised groups. Groups like Muslims living in Croatia under Milosevic, or a vigil to honour those who died protesting at Tiananmen Square. Groups who stood up and faced persecution and massacre from government and from the society they lived in.

Oh, and now Celtic fans. Apparently fans of a football team are now a marginalised group, suffering unduly because of the football team they support. Really? Now I condemn any death threats or any attempts at the murder of Neil Lennon or anyone else but a couple of absolute idiots sending parcel bombs is not exactly akin to all Celtic fans being persecuted. The vast majority of people in Scotland are not persecuted by anyone, no matter what football team someone supports. To suggest that they are is absolutely ridiculous.

Looking on Celtic supporters forums however you would think they are the most marginalised people in our society. They talk of their suffering at the hands of the rest of us. The claim that they, by holding this vigil, are the best fans in the world. In reality they just come across as absolute idiots. Not exactly the greatest fans in the world (Who, after the recent 4-0 win against my team Aberdeen where not only out-sung by a losing Aberdeen side but also many left early! Yes, seriously, the greatest fans in the world leave early from matches that they are winning 4-0, greatest fans in the world indeed.)

The most amusing comment came from a poster who claimed he loved Celtic because they where a football team who stood up against sectarianism in Scotland. Yes. One of the two football teams which has a sectarian problem is apparently standing up against sectarianism...somehow. He then went on to say that he loved Celtic and "everything represents."

Please tell me, what does Celtic FC represent? They are a football team, all they represent is a soccer team from a certain part of Glasgow. Nothing more, nothing else.

Whilst they stand their with their candles thinking that they are fighting some unknown enemy, standing up against persecution (whilst donating to the IRA on the sly) and congratulating themselves as being the greatest fans in the world they don't realise how much the rest of us are laughing at them and their stupid antics.

Football is about a game, nothing else nothing more.

Neil Lennon Letter Bomb

Neil Lennon and two high profile Celtic supporters have received bombs which the police suggest had the potential to kill or seriously injure the intended victims.

Voltaire famously said with regards to the Scottish Enlightenment "We look to Scotland for all our ideas of civilisation." We are a nation that produced some of the worlds most enduring and enlightened legal and educational systems. Economist Adam Smith single-handedly revolutionised the economic outlook for centuries and philosopher David Hume is widely considered to be one of the most profound philosophers to ever put pen to paper.

Yet somehow we still live in a country where sectarianism is rife and people can get killed for being the wrong religion or supporting the wrong soccer team. We do not have a racism problem here, we are notably more left-wing and liberal than our British counterparts yet we have a problem that people outside of Scotland and Northern Ireland probably couldn't get their heads around.

Should we be shocked at the attack on Neil Lennon? Of course, yet somehow we are not. I am not going to suggest that everyone who sings offensive songs at football games want to kill Catholics or Protestants, but when we have football stadia which are breeding grounds for sectarian singing and songs which call for the deaths of people like Neil Lennon can we really be surprised that someone or some group of people have taken it too literally and too seriously and gone far too far?

Thankfully most Rangers and Celtic fans I know condemn any of these actions, posted bellow are songs I've heard at Pittodrie over the last few years. Listening to them and reading them, can we really be that shocked that the sectarian problem we have in Scotland can and does lead to the deaths of innocent people?

From Rangers Fans:

Hang Neil Lennon

Hang Him High

(How Fucking High?)

So I Can See The Bastard Die

From Celtic Fans:

I Hope You Die in your sleep Nacho Novo,

I Hope You Die in your sleep I pray,

I Hope You Die in your sleep Nacho Novo,

With a Bullet from the I.R.A

Of course if we listen to the party line these sorts of songs are only sung by 90 minute bigots. There is not a real sectarian problem here eh? Just a bit of fun singing at a football ground. I do not want to blame what has happened with regards to the letter bombs on bigots shouting stupid offensive songs at football grounds, and I doubt the vast majority of them would actually want to see Nacho Novo or Neil Lennon killed, but with songs like that being sung regularly and a multitude of threats and now a bomb sent to Neil Lennon and other high profile Celtic supporters it does make one wonder whether we are taking the sectarian element of the Old Firm seriously enough.

As Scotland Burns'

Today, the 25th of January, Scots and their numerous descendants come together for the annual Burns’ Supper to celebrate the life and works of our national poet. On the anniversary of his birth it is traditional for us to eat Haggis and recite the Bard’s numerous poems in a spate of mass nationalistic pride.

Although I think there are numerous poets who are considerably better than Burns, his influence and cultural importance is undeniable. In Scotland we are brought up listening to songs written around his poetry and his liberal use of the Scot’s language puts him at the centre of Scottish cultural nationalism. His influence even extends out of his home country with ‘Auld Lang Syne’ being sang across numerous countries.

I enjoy haggis and I enjoy being Scottish. Really a night like this should be something I should enjoy. However nights like Burns’ Night and days like St Andrew’s day, rather than make me proud to be Scottish make me feel incredibly localised and cut off from the real world. Although I have lived in Scotland most of my life, support the football team and have picked up customs distinct to Scotland, I feel that my true culture is a British one. The imposed cultural celebrations of nights like tonight reject British culture and focus entirely on traditional aspects of Scottish culture, which makes the entire thing feel incredibly twee.

I think our culture has changed. Our culture consists of more than just old Scottish words, short-bread and haggis. The age old Clan system of our history are completely absent from our day to day lives. We are not fighting off invading English armies (which consisted mainly of Scots) in wars of independence. Most of us can hardly speak a word of Gaelic. But when it comes to a day set out to celebrate our culture it seems to be this historic culture that we feel the need to revive.

Things I like about being Scottish may be a little quirky. I like the fact we have Irn Bru, our own sugar filled soft drink. I enjoy the nuances of our accents. I like the amount of alcohol we drink. I like our pubs, towns, cities, football stadia, health service, coffee shops, comedians, musicians, festivals and so much more. Many of these things are distinct to Scotland, many are not. To me being Scottish has nothing to do with wearing a tartan kilt, eating haggis and dancing to the Gay Gordon’s (though I have to admit at times I indulge in all three), it is so much more than that.

I want to celebrate modern Scottish culture, I am quite happy to have our heritage celebrated as well, but my fear is that all we celebrate is our heritage and this cultural nationalism which takes over might spill into irreversible political nationalism based on the history and dead culture of our past.

Enjoy your haggis tonight, I will close with my favourite Burns’ stanza.

A prince can mak a belted knight,

A marquise, duke, an' a' that;

But an honest man's aboon his might,

Gude faith, he maunna fa' that!

For a' that, an' a' that,

Their dignities an' a' that,

The pith o' sense, an' pride o' worth,

Are higher rank than a' that.

Grand Final Scotland Style

So yesterday was the last saturday in September, which to fans of Australian Rules Football means one thing; Grand Final day. The AFL Grand Final is the most important game on the footy calendar, it decides who wins the league and who takes the flag. This year an epic battle for footy supremacy was in order as St Kilda and Collingwood qualified to battle at the 100,000 capacity MCG. As a St Kilda supporter this game meant something. As a resident of Scotland however, it meant getting up at 4am to catch the game. Here is my photo diary of Grand Final day!

First picture, I was up and ready with my Saints gear, looking outside at pitch blackness. It truly was the middle of the night.

Ready for the trip to the pub. Streets deserted but I'm excited, ready to see the Grand Final against Collingwood!

First beer: 5am and I'm sitting there with a beer for breakfast. It's OK, the Grand Final only comes round once a year...

Half time: Game isn't going so well, behind after a pretty dismal quarter. I retained confidence...the beer helped! Nice to see a packed pub at 7am.

It was a draw! My dismayed and confused reaction, I have to come back next week.

People I watched the game with. Three Saints supporters and one bloke going for the Pies.

Now for pub number two to watch the game again. Pretend I don't know the score and watch to try and figure out how it was a draw!

This is me trying to be creative, The Grand final on the TV with Edinburgh Castle in the background.

Another pub full of people watching the Grand Final.

Confirmation! Grand Final Part Two: This Time It's Personal. I think Stephen Milne may argue that it already way.

A couple of Sainters who watched the game twice as well...I say a couple of Sainters, one actually went for Brisbane.

11pm, a number of hours after leaving the pub and I am absolutely shattered, stopped by a mates flatwarming, still in my Saints Gear.

Met up with a Nintendo 64 controller and sipped my final beer.

Back where I started, dark once again as it approached midnight.

It was a really enjoyable day, not sure what to make of it though, a draw! In the Grand Final! Watching it from Scotland was interesting, it's not often

it's acceptable to drink at five in the morning, but god it was good. All this sets up for next week to do it all over again. Next time there will be facepaint!