Top Five Favourite Conspiracy Theories

With the tenth anniversary of 9/11 fast approaching already hours on television and pages of print are being dedicated in memory of those lost in the atrocity. Whenever those attacks on September the 11th are mentioned the popular conspiracy theories are quick to follow. The BBC have even dedicated an entire documentary series to the conspiracy theories where due to neutrality they end each episode open ended, as if these theories are anything more than complete fucking bullshit. Conspiracy theories though I find fascinating. I love the idea that there is a secret Jewish cabal of bankers controlling the world and the Ku Klux Klan are our only hope of saviour, or that the moon landings where faked by a secret Jewish cabal of bankers so that the USA would beat the soviets in the space war or even the one where they put fluoride in the water to give people cavities so you go to the Jewish dentists and pay them more money. Conspiracy theorists love them Jewish Cabals. Anyway, here is my list of my top five favourite conspiracy theories, in descending order:

5. Aids Was Created To Kill off The Gays/Blacks

Left-wing conspiracy theories are quite rare. Generally there are communists, or socialists or Jews who are responsible for trying to destroy the freedoms of good, honest, Christian Americans. This one is different. According to this theory the right-wing white government decided to create a disease to kill off the gays or the blacks (depends which left-wing hippie nutter you believe) through an easily spreadable and incurable disease. Unfortunately for the conspirators they forgot that white straight people enjoy sex and heroin too.

4. Paul Is Dead

In 1966 Paul McCartney died in a car crash and was replaced by a look-a-like. Yep, that happened. According to the theory not only did McCartney die, but The Beatles covered it up, but put secret clues in their music and album artwork. These include an apparent hidden message included in the song 'Revolution 9' and that the image of the Beatles walking on the front of their 'Abby Road' album is supposed to signify a funeral procession. My only concern is, if the current Paul McCartney is a fake, why did they get such a wanker to play him?

3. Bob Marley Was Assassinated

I like this one just due to the sheer complexity of the theory. Often when celebrities who die are the focus of conspiracy theories the actual method of death is questioned, not so with Marley. According to this theory the CIA gave him the melanoma which would eventually kill him. Not only this, but the way they did it was by inserting copper into a pair of football boots which they then gave to the reggae artist as a gift. Marley used the boots, kicked a post, cut his foot, hit the copper, got melanoma, recorded the greatest live album of any reggae artist ever and then died. If that is true then the CIA should be congratulated for the most needlessly complex assassination ever carried out, ever.

2. The Protocols of the Elders of Zion

This one is quite frankly scary. I made a joke about how Jewish Cabals seem to be involved somehow in every single conspiracy theory ever made, but this one is no laughing matter. The Protocols of the Elders of Zion where a fake document made to make it look as if there was a great Jewish conspiracy. Essentially the document is a conspiracy within a conspiracy. This document was used as justification for anti-semetic laws and prejudice across the world, including in Nazi Germany where it was used by Hitler to justify hatred of the Jews and ultimately for the atrocities that occurred during the Holocaust. The document portray Jews as being Machiavellian and quite frankly evil. It is quite shocking and scary how this forged piece of literature was used.

1. Lizard Man Cometh!

Former BBC Sports pundit David Icke believes that the world is ruled by a secret cabal of Jews...wait, what? Not Jews but giant lizards!? Icke has forged a successful career where he claims that celebrities and rulers ranging from George W. Bush to the British Royal Family are secretly twelve foot lizards who, erm, control us. These Lizards come in all sorts of varieties but have disguised themselves as human beings. The Anti-racism organisation the ADL claim that these lizards are a code-word for Jews, but according to many, Icke genuinely believes that these lizards exist among us and are controlling our society. Scary eh? Here is Icke before the lizard phase on the Terry Wogan show:

Icke on Wogan

I think you know why that is my favourite!

Top Five T Moments

I have already written a blog about which five acts I enjoyed the most at T in the Park this year, but festivals are about more than just watching bands. There is a great atmosphere which means there are always special moments which will live long in the memory. I have decided to list my top five. A top five without flares or even the really fat man who was lifted up by about 10 people in the crowd during The Strokes, but here they are:

5. 'Fuck You Scotland!' - OFWGKTA

After House of Pain finished a fantastic set the next band due on the NME stage where called 'OFWGKTA'. Myself, like many others, where intrigued about this act with their impossible to pronounce name (I have subsequently found out that they are initials for Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All, whatever that means). It turned out they where an angry rap band with a fondness for the word 'Bitch' and shouting. We lasted one song before leaving, along with about half of the NME stage crowd. One of the 'singers' of OFWGKTA reacted like all angry rap band members should do, by screaming 'Fuck You Scotland' at the fiercely nationalist crowd. We laughed, went for a slash and made our way to the Main Stage to watch a set by a former Guns n Roses guitarist.

4. We Came Here To Dance, Not To Exercise!

At 2:45 PM on Sunday at Balado Air Field the heavens opened and there was rain so bad it went through my jacket, through my cardigan, through my T-shirt, through my jeans, boots and even undies. It was miserable, wet and cold. It didn't matter though, we where standing in the Inner Circle waiting to see Blondie. Who cares about rain when we have Blondie coming along to lift our spirits? However, at 3pm instead of being treated to a seminal pop/punk band from New York, two excitable young X-Factor wannabes took to the stage in eighties style spandex. They ran on and told the crowd that they where there to get us all dancing to Salt n Pepa's 'Push It'. They then ran through the entire dance and played the song, to a chorus of booing. The entire crowd seemed to boo. We were wet, we were cold, we were tired and we wanted Blondie! The two dancers where organised by the Scottish Government as part of a 'Keep Scotland Fit' campaign. Apparently in a place where all we do is dance, cheer and jump, what was needed was the government to get us dancing... I felt a little sorry for the two dancers who had boos and bottles hurled at them, but it really was not the time or place. I think the moment they finally left the stage elicited one of the largest cheers of the entire festival.

3. Mud Slides! Mud Hugs! Mud, Mud, Mud!

Walking back to the campsite on Sunday night involved mud. You couldn't avoid it, the place was covered. More impressively however where the legends who went for large mud slides. They got absolutely covered and would invariably chase anyone who looked in the least bit clean in order to give them a big muddy hug. Only in a music festival would you see a huge mud monster chasing a clean girl who is concerned that she might get a little mud on her! Mud slides, mud hugs and mud fights where the order of the evening. Funniest muddy moment had to include the people slipping over, often face first, right into the muddy oblivion. Poor buggers, but secretly really really funny. I just hope none of them slipped in the mud around the urinals.

2. Bohemian Rhapsody

Late on Sunday I ventured down to the Ballroom Jam Tent in order to get a good position for Eels. Before Eels however Noah and the Whale where due to play. Just before Noah and the Whale where about to go on stage there was an instrumental version of Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody played over the sound system. The tent was absolutely packed and everyone in there knew the song, word for word. It was a great sing along which reverberated and echoed throughout the packed tent. There where a few great sing-alongs throughout the festival, but there was something particularly good about Bohemian Rhapsody.

1. Thank You, and Good Bye...

Sunday happened to not only be the last day of T in the Park 2011 but also the date of the last ever edition of disgraced gutter rag 'The News of the World'. Instead of apologising for phone hacking scandal, the paper ran with the front page 'Thank you, and Good Bye'. Jarvis Cocker seemed quite angry at this. Cocker ranted about the 'News of the World' and produced a copy of the last ever edition. He then proceeded to remove the first page and wipe it against his backside, shouting 'This is the only good thing this bloody paper has been useful for in 168 years'.

Here are some photos of the incident (note, not taken by me):

Cocker during his rant about the 'news'paper.

And about five minutes later showing us what he thinks:

Pulp had a fantastic set and Jarvis Cocker's actions and obvious hatred of the Murdoch-owned paper was brilliant. All in all that makes up my top five moments of T in the Park 2011.

Top Five T in the Park Acts

Freshly showered and shaved after returning from Balado, I had been sitting watching highlights of T on the BBC website. As expected the majority of bands I enjoyed were not filmed for TV. To remedy this I have decided to create a short post listing the five acts I enjoyed the most. I enjoyed T, even though I thought the line-up was poor. Unlike the last time I attended there where only a couple of bands I really wanted to see. Whilst the headliners where no doubt impressive names, I thought the smaller bands where disappointing. Though of-course I still had a thoroughly enjoyable time, and there where a few moments which where absolutely thrilling. Here they are in descending order.

5. House of Pain

It turns out they are more than just 'Jump Around'. Beginning with a tribute to Nate Dogg, House of Pain had the crowd in a good mood whilst the sun was out. I have often found rap acts to be poor live as often they seem little more than angry men shouting at a crowd of people. House of Pain were not like this, they got the crowd going and used live music. They closed with 'Jump Around' which had the entire NME stage jumping up and down.

4. Slash

We made our way to the Main Stage to witness the former Guns n Roses guitarist play after watching the quite frankly scary OFGWKTA (The chorus of their first song appeared to be 'KNOCK KNOCK...BITCH' and when that rather interesting shouty rap song was finished one of the members shouted 'FUCK YOU SCOTLAND' to the crowds of us who where leaving, unsure of what sort of performance the NME Stage where welcoming). Slash was fantastic, he played four Guns n Roses songs along with two Velvet Revolver songs and got the crowd going fantastically. Paradise City as their departing song was brilliant with the crowd continuing to sing the chorus long after they left the stage. Love them or hate them, it's hard to deny that Guns n Roses songs get the crowd going.

3. Woodenbox With a Fistful of Fivers

Absolutely fantastic live performance. They played the T-Break stage (stage for unsigned bands, usually those with a fair bit of hype behind them) on Saturday afternoon and where the first band who I really got into. Unfortunately I had found Friday fairly boring (apart from the fear of suffocation in amidst the Pendulum crowd) and the first couple of bands I saw on Saturday where disappointing. Woodenbox really kicked off the festival for me. With a pint of cold lager in one hand I watched them perform a set which included their best songs. First time I've seen them live and really think they come into their own onstage.

2. Pulp

Pulp! An utterly brilliant performance. One of the last bands I saw but just incredible. Jarvis Cocker engaged with the audience better than anyone else I saw during the festival. I particularly enjoyed seeing him take out a copy of the News of the World (as in the last one ever) only to rub it against his arse like toilet roll whilst shouting 'The only good thing this paper has done in 168 years". Apart from Cocker's theatrics the music itself was performed brilliantly. The atmosphere in the Golden Circle was better than I thought it was at any other point. They kicked off the start of a fantastic Sunday evening.

1. Eels

Simply wonderful. Eels have such a rich catalogue of songs to play and they chose their set list wisely. The band walked on, all with beards, aviators and all of them looking dapper with either suit jackets or waistcoats on. The choreography was brilliant and done professionally (apart from the slightly out of tune rendition of 'Happy Birthday' performed for the guitarist). Personal favourite part of their set was 'Novocaine for the Soul/I Like Birds'. After finishing the former the band immediately blasted into a sped up version of the latter with the audience being left to shout 'BIRDS!' as quickly as we could muster before the musicians played again.

I snapped a picture of Mr E. and the bassist Koool J Murder:

Eels where not only the best band I saw, but the final band. It was great to end T on such a high, and whilst it was not a great T it was a great time.

Top Five Ways of Detecting a Philosophy Student

Last week I finally finished my four-year philosophy degree and graduated. Whilst the degree taught me a fair bit about philosophy, it taught me a hell of a lot more about how to be a philosophy student. Philosophy students are spreading, and whilst councils are putting 'Zombie Attack Survival Procedures' into place (seriously) many are unaware of the threat of philosophy students. Unlike Zombies, philosophy students are hard to detect, some of them look like real people!

After four years in their ranks I have learnt a thing or two about them. Now that I have rejoined humanity, I feel it is my duty to devise a list of five ways to detect a philosophy student.

1. An Unhealthy Love of The Smiths

The best advice every given to me was directly quoted from the book 'He Died with a Felafel In His Hand' by John Birmingham. He warned that, under no circumstances, must you flatshare with a fan of The Smiths. Unfortunately this prohibits you from living with anyone who has ever stepped into a philosophy lecture. Along with vegetarianism and depression, being a fan of The Smiths is almost a prerequisite of being a philosophy student. Personally I think the vegetarianism and depression has more to do with Morrissey than it does philosophy though.

2. Drinks Red Wine and Black Coffee

Look for the teeth. Some of us are clever and use 'Whitening' toothpaste to hide the abuse that constant consumption of red wine and black coffee does to our teeth. During the afternoon the philosophy student can be found sipping coffee at the artisan independent coffee shop, sneering at those who walk past with Frozen Skinny Gingerbread Lattes in Starbucks cups. By night they are in the pub, talking about Sartre, with a bottle of red wine which they are already planning on turning into a candle holder.

3. Avoids Anything Even Imitating a Stylist

Unkempt hair? Has a beard or hangs around with those with beards? Baggy T-shirt with 'Meat is Murder' embezzled on the front? Yep, you have found yourself a philosophy student. Tell tale sign is the obvious attempts at them cutting their own hair. If you need a pair of scissors then find a philosophy student.

4. Smokes Roll-Up Cigarettes

Not all philosophy students smoke (myself including), but those who do seem to exclusively smoke roll up cigarettes. In four years of mingling with philosophy students the act of rolling a cigarette was as second nature to many of them as putting a Latin phrase into regular conversation.

5. Hates Everyone Constantly Quoting Friedrich Nietzsche

People who do not study Philosophy seem to know two philosophical phrases, one is 'I think therefore I am', the other is 'God is Dead'. The problem with the latter is it appears as if everyone who quotes Nietzsche has absolutely no idea what he meant. Quote Nietzsche in front of a philosophy student and make wild claims about what it means and watch them roll their cigarette with fury.

So there we have it, the five tell-tale signs that you have a philosophy student on your hand. Stock up on loose tobacco, red wine and good coffee in preparation of the Philosophy Student apocalypse.

Top Five Words I'm Bringing Back!

Since moving down to the central belt of Scotland I have noticed that many of the words and expressions I grew up using are not used down here. I have had people get confused at things I say, people laugh at what I say and people even refusing to believe that the words I am using are 'real' words. Quite frankly, I am sick of it. I am sick of going to a chippy and not a chipper, I am sick of eating bacon rolls instead of bacon softies and if I hear one more person put 'eh?' at the end of every sentence instead of the far more normal work of 'like?' then I think I am going to get on a bussie (not bus) home.

I was going to compile a list for people unfortunate enough to have been born outwith the North East of Scotland of what words should actually be used, but then I noticed that even regular British English terms, such as 'biscuit', are being replaced with Americanised rubbish, like 'cookie'.

Perhaps five is not enough, but welcome to my list of the top five words and phrases which I am bringing back into regular conversation!

5. Fairy Cake - Replacing 'Cup Cake'

Agh! Fairy cake is such a fantastic term. There is no noun in the English language which cannot be improved without the word 'Fairy' preceding it. Yet for some reason it seems increasingly popular to call the poor little things 'Cup Cakes'. The term offends me deeply. I was heartened by the BBC website yesterday when I noticed that they had a recipe for 'Fairy Cakes', not 'Cup Cakes'. As far as I am concerned they have just justified the license fee.

4. Chipper - Replacing 'Chippie'

On twitter today I courted controversy by ranting about the term 'Chippie'. I hate the term 'Chippie'. To me a chippie is a stone (literally a chipped stone), similar to a chuckie, yet it seems that since I have moved down to the central belt of Scotland that everyone calls it a 'Chippie'. To me it always has been, and always will be a chipper. Could you imagine going to the 'World Famous Bervie Chippie'? Of course not! Yet four separate people on twitter and two more on facebook rejected 'Chipper' for 'Chippy'. I fear I may be too late on this one.

3. Softie - Replacing 'Roll'

A softie is a round bread thing. It seems to be called a 'roll' here in Edinburgh, and possibly other parts of the UK as well. However where I am from, and I am sure much of the UK, the correct term is 'Softie'. The term 'roll', is just confusing. Firstly if you go into a bakers and ask for a 'Roll' how do you know if you will end up walking home with a bread roll or if you will end up with a Buttery or Rowie? Secondly, if you want a sausage softie, how do you ask for it? Ask any self-respecting bakers for a Sausage Roll and they will give you the savoury pastry snack, not the sausage softie you require!

2. Advertisement - Replacing 'Advertisement'

I admit this one makes very little sense written down as both words are spelt the same and mean the exact same thing but are pronounced completely differently. An Advertisement should be pronounced 'Advertis-ment', however it seems to be becoming increasingly common to hear people pronounce it 'Advertize-ment'. It is a pet hate of mine but everyone from members of my own family to people on television seem to be watching 'Advertize-ments' instead of 'advertisements'. It is almost as bad as people who send out 'invites' instead of 'invitations'.

1. Quine - Replacing 'Girl'

I use the term 'girl' all the time, and very occasionally use the word 'lassie'. In fact I almost never call girls 'quines' in regular speech. Growing up in an area where 'Quine' is commonly used I still said 'girl' instead. However this must change. 'Quine' is a fantastic word, it rolls off the tongue, it sounds brilliant and really girls should be called 'quines' and treated as 'quines'. If you are wondering the North East term for 'boy' is actually 'loon'. Really boys should be called 'loons'... I am taking it upon myself to start calling girls 'Quines' from now on. It is time to take my language back!

Top Five Biscuit Dipping

For anyone who follows me on twitter you may have seen my constant complaining and whining about having to study for exams, having to do exams and worry about what my results are going to be like. Exam period is the one time of year I hate more than any other, I inevitably put on weight, consider taking up smoking and contemplate ripping the vocal chords out of my beloved, but persistently annoying, cat.

However there is one advantage; I drink shit-loads of tea. With tea comes biscuits to dip into it. I tried, over the past month or so, dipping with five different biscuits, so starting with the worst and leading to the best, here are the top five biscuits to dip with.

5. Jamie Dodgers

I love Jamie Dodgers, I love shortbread, I love jam, I love them together. Because of this I was dismayed to discover that they do not dip well. The biscuit part became soggy but the jam was resilient, leading to this odd sensation somewhere between chewy and soggy. Chewy goes with hard, it does not go with soggy.

Dip Rating - 1/10

4. HobNobs

Only number four!? Yes, the 'classic' dipping biscuit is fairly low on my list. Don't get me wrong, they are resilient but to me they are actually too resilient. I like the biscuits to get a little bit soggy but you have to dip the humble hobnob four to five times simply to get the desired result. That much dipping is a lot of effort whilst trying to get through The Critique of Pure Reason.

Dip Rating - 4/10

3. Rich Tea Fingers

I perhaps made a rookie mistake here by selecting rich tea fingers, rather than their classic bigger brother of the traditional rich tea. Taste wise there was no biscuit which suited tea better than the rich tea, however one dip and the finger would be so soggy it fell into the tea more often than not. Fishing the soggy biscuit residue from the bottom of a tea cup takes away from the whole dipping experience. Best for taste, worst for dip so Rich Tea Fingers finish third. Perhaps if I had gone for the real rich teas there would be a different winner, alas I did not.

Dip Rating - 5/10

2. Chocolate Fingers

Whilst the rich tea fingers were not up to the dipping task, the same cannot be said for the chocolate finger. The heat of the tea melted the chocolate which allowed it to ooze down as I brought the little finger to my mouth. Absolutely fantastic. Only real negative was that unfortunately the biscuit itself was a little insulated from the chocolate. A very close second to the eventual winner though.

Dip Rating - 9/10

1. Abernethy

I only ever tried my first Abernethy biscuit a couple of years ago, but they are pretty good. On their own they are fairly humble, straight forward, sweet, hard biscuits. However they come into their own when you add tea. The sweetness of the biscuit is a perfect combination with the tea and the natural hardness of the biscuit gives it durability for dipping, but not so much that the desired sogginess cannot be achieved. Lovely simple looking biscuits which dip perfectly. If you are sitting with a cup of tea and about to dip a biscuit right now and it is not an Abernethy then I pity you. Fantastic and my number one choice for tea dipping enjoyment.

Dip Rating - 10/10

Currently I am waiting for my results, my final ever results for my course, the ones that decide my final undergraduate results. If I do not get the grade I want then at least, I will have achieved something in my degree. A deeper knowledge of tea and biscuits.

Top 5 Philosophical Latin Phrases

In the midst of studying for an Epistemology exam I have been struck with the volume of Latin phrases employed by philosophers to convey their theories. With the beginning of the early modern period in philosophical writing the idea of using Latin exclusively for philosophy was thrown out the window, but philosophers knew that reciting Latin would make stoned future students sound more profound and intelligent than they actually are so determined that the names of their key concepts would sound better in Latin.

In descending order here are my top 5 philosophical latin phrases to make you sound more intelligent than you actually are.

5. Tabula Rasa - Blank Slate

Tabula Rasa was a phrase employed most famously by John Locke. He claimed that humans are born without any innate knowledge, the mind being born as a blank slate. Locke is an empiricist and who believed that any knowledge we acquire comes from our senses meaning the mind must be born as a tabula rasa.

4. Bellum Omnium Contra Omnes - The War of All against All

Thomas Hobbes envisaged something called the State of Nature which is similar to a brutish and war-like Original Position. It is a situation before a state and before a law system has been created. Hobbes wrote during the English Civil War and it perhaps shows in his vision of such a horrific concept of what humanity would be like in a state of nature. The Hobbesian state of nature is one where every man is at war with every man, in a brutish, short and miserable life and makes up the basis for the Hobbesian state. Bellum Omnium Contra Omnes was a phrase he used to describe the fighting he believed would occur in such a situation.

3. Ens Causa Sui - Cause of Oneself (sort of)

Causa Sui has been used by a number of theorists and philosophers, but it is in the existentialist context used by Jean-Paul Sartre that I first became aware of the term. Sartre wrote in 'Being and Nothingness' that man seeks completion and religion does this through God. He used the term Ens Causa Sui to refer to this.

2. A Priori and A Posteriori

Unlike the previous phrases A Priori and A Posteriori are not used or synonymous with any single philosopher but are common to many. The two phrases are unavoidable when it comes to Epistemology and are common to philosophy students from a standard grade RMPS level. A Priori knowledge is that which we know independently from knowledge, e.g. 'All sisters are female', whilst A Posteriori is knowledge attained and proved through empirical evidence, e.g. 'Some sisters are unhappy'. Both terms are used commonly in philosophy and it is rare to see the literal English translation.

1. Cogito Ergo Sum - I Think Therefore I Am

No surprises at what I've put at number one. Everyone knows this phrase. Without a doubt it is the most famous phrase in philosophy and one that is used by philosophers and non-philosophers alike. Unfortunately this means that it is miss-represented constantly by people who have not studied philosophy. It was used by Descartes in an attempt to prove that he does exist. He used a thought-experiment called the 'Methodological Skepticism' in which he showed that as senses are fallible it is impossible to really know the existence of anything, but by thinking about whether oneself exists is proof in itself that one does indeed exist. I think therefore I am.

And there we have it, the top five Latin phrases to use to show how philosophically intelligent you are. Now roll a joint, grow your hair and speak with that arrogance only a person who has learnt some deep sounding philosophical phrases can.

Weirdest Policies We've Passed

Earlier today Conservative fear figure Nadine Dorries tabled a ten minute rule motion which would require girls between 13-16 to be educated on the 'benefits of abstinence'. As with most ten minute motion's it passed, albeit by a tiny margin, and as with most ten minute motions it has not got a snowball's chance in hell (or a Tory candidate's chance in Scotland) of getting through. There is nothing surprising about any of this really, but today Twitter went crazy as if the policy had passed and this will become law. It won't. It did get me to thinking, what are the wackiest ideas and policies to ever go through our parliament?

Here are my top five.

Passports for Pets

The idea of giving animals passports as well as humans was first proposed by the humorous Monster Raving Loony Party, but in 2001 the Labour government actually put this into place. Technically it is an internationally recognised document which shows they have no diseases and is an attempt at curtailing any spread of rabies, and it has been adopted by countries all across the world. However, this party was originally the fantasy of Screaming Lord Sutch and his Monster Raving Looney colleagues.

Suicide Punishable By Death

In 1845 there was briefly a law which passed through the UK parliament which made the crime for breaking the law the death penalty. It was quickly repealed but for a short period of time those who attempted to take one's own life but failed would have the state for back up. In the 1800's the punishment really did fit the crime.

No Celebrations this Christmas

During the brief years we did not have a monarchy, we also did not have a Christmas to celebrate. In 1644 Oliver Cromwell passed an act of parliament banning us from celebrating Christmas. Although Christmas itself was still marked we were not allowed to celebrate it due to the new puritan nature of the government. No doubt back then abstinence was taught to more than just 13-16 year old girls.

Keep It Down

There is a proviso in the current UK copyright law which prevents us from playing music too loud. Technically if any music that you own is played loud enough for anyone other than yourself to hear then you are breaking the law. That means if you have your iPod on too loud on the tram and someone working for the 'Performing Rights Society' they technically have the right to take you to court and claim royalties. Where it gets really bizarre is according to the same law if they hear music on the radio emitting from your house or earphones the same law is broken, even though it is legal for the radio to play the music themselves.

No Booze on a Sunday

Until as recently as two years ago you could not buy alcohol on a Sunday morning in Scotland. It was a law which had existed in the UK for centuries, but the English, Welsh and Northern Irish had the good sense to change it. In Scotland however, the country which not only has the least amount of Christians anywhere in the UK but also has the most drinkers, you could not buy alcohol on a Sunday at all until a couple of decades ago and until two years ago could not buy it until 12:30. When the law did change we where allowed to purchase alcohol at any time on any day between 10am and 10pm on every day except... a Sunday. On a Sunday you must buy your alcohol before 8pm.

All in all although Nadine Dorries may be trying to push through a draconian and pointless law, it won't be for the first time. We have had odd laws, weird laws, scary laws and funny laws in the past, and no doubt we will have them in the future.

My Problem With God

I'm bringing in the New Year with a message about why I hate God. Quite simple he is the most evil, vile, horrible character ever thought into existence. To illustrate the point I will compare him with five well known historical figures.

1. Radovan Karadžić

Radovan Karadžić is widely considered to be the architect of the Ethnic-Cleansing atrocities that took place in Bosnia-Herzegovina in the 1990's. His Serb nationalist agenda led to the siege of Sarajevo and the massacre at the UN declared safe zone of Srebrenica. After being a fugitive of international law he was finally captured in 2008 and is currently being tried at The Hague for war crimes.

Comparison to God:

Difficult to choose just one, but lets go for Sodom and Gomorrah. God didn't like their way of life, so decides to massacre thousands of people. Not unlike the massacre at Srebrenica.

2. Adolf Hitler

Do I need to explain why he was evil? Top of the list of his atrocities would undoubtedly be the Holocaust though, were an estimated 6 Million Jews were massacred for being the wrong race.

Comparison to God:

1Then the LORD spoke to Moses, saying,
2"Take full vengeance for the sons of Israel on the Midianites; afterward you will be gathered to your people."

God ultimately tells his children to massacre all people of the race of Midiantites for being of inferior moral character. Hmm.

3. Arthur Gary Bishop

Less known than the first two, but the religiously named Arthur Gary Bishop was one of the most notorious killers of children in criminal history. He systematically killed children for pleasure until he was caught in 1983 and charged with the murder of five different children. He was executed in Utah state prison in 1988.

Comparison to God

Isaiah 14:21 Prepare slaughter for his children for the iniquity of their fathers;

Hosea 13:16 Samaria shall become desolate; for she hath rebelled against her God: they shall fall by the sword: their infants shall be dashed in pieces

Isaiah 13:16 Their children also shall be dashed to pieces before their eyes

Scary!

4. Sarah Palin

Homophobic running mate of John McCain in the 2008 US presidential election Sarah Palin is the next I add to my list. Unlike the others so far she has not technically done anything illegal, just highly highly immoral. Her core politics lay in anti-gay legislation, going so far as to attempt to strip Gay couples of any legal rights, and openly homosexual people from receiving state benefits!

Comparison to God

Well God goes a little further than Mrs Palin by saying that Homosexuality is as much of a sin as bestiality and child molestation. Similar tact, though I think Palin may have actually copied from God on this one. That's how cheaters are caught, they copy from people with the wrong answer.

5. Paul Joseph Goebbels

Better known simply as Joseph Goebbels. He was the propaganda minister for the Nazi regime, forcing all to listen to the Nazi message, a message full of lies, mistruths and manipulation all under the guise of morality.

Comparison to God

Evangelism takes up a key part of God's message, that is essentially Christian propaganda, but more tellingly look at the best selling book of all time! The Bible, a single piece of Christian propaganda that espouses God's message, a message full of lies, mistruths and manipulation all under the guise of morality.

Yep, if God were a man and not a mythical entity he would have been tried and imprisoned long before his message would have time to corrupt so many. Unfortunately still we are told to pussy-foot around this creature, and we are supposed to believe his followers are some how moral? The worrying thing is Ireland has recently passed anti-blasphemy laws. The simple blog I am about to publish would incur a 32,000 Euro fine now in Ireland. 32,000 Euros for giving my opinion on what seems to me an evil, immoral and vengeful being. Could you imagine if a country passed a similar law protecting Hitler, Goebbels or anyone else on my list? Seems unlikely.