Sunday, 12 August 2018

Boris, Burqas and Blackadder

'Boris shouldn't have to apologise.' This, or a variation of it, has been the statement those on the right who wish to defend Boris Johnson's comparisons of Burqas to postboxes. And I agree. He shouldn't have to apologise, he simply should apologise. By adding the words 'have to' it takes the responsibility away from Johnson, and fuels the 'illiberal PC' narrative. He is a liberal speaking his mind but the illiberal world is forcing him to apologise. It's utter crap but that's the image a couple of additional word ('have to') can invoke.

This brings me onto the related point of Rowan Atkinson's defence of Boris Johnson. Again it boils down ultimately to free speech vs the scourge of illiberal lefties who want to shut down any dissent from the fascism of progressive politics. Supporters of Johnson have taken Atkinson's support and used it as an excuse to share a speech the Blackadder actor made a few years ago on the issue of free speech and censorship (link here). One in which he talks about how many so-called tolerant people wish to 'gag dissent'.

He goes on to state that intolerance isn't addressed by arresting or gagging people, but by these views being aired, argued against, dealt with outside the legal process. This all sounds very reasonable. In fact it is exactly what we are doing. We are arguing against Boris' comments, we are highlighting how they are offensive, who they are offending, why we think he should (not 'have to') apologise. To the best of my knowledge nobody is trying to gag him, to arrest him or to use any legal process to force him to apologise. We are doing precisely what these apparent proponents of free speech are saying we should do. I believe strongly in free speech, and in calling out prejudice and intolerance when it appears. Using free speech as an excuse to distract from islamphobia is disingenuous and helps nobody.

Saturday, 7 April 2018

Adonis and the Fake News Crusade

Andrew Adonis is currently using his significant platform to attack the BBC, calling it the 'Brexit Broadcasting Coorporation' over what he deems to be the biased favourable coverage of Brexit. He cites the lack of coverage of pro-remain events and the 32 appearances of Nigel Farage on Question Time as examples of this pro-Brexit bias. This crusade has had him lock horns on Twitter with Nick Robinson over the issue. Guido noted Lord Adonis had tweeted 72 times about this apparent bias in the space of a week, it is clearly an important issue for the New Labour giant. It isn't concerning to see an individual accuse the BBC of bias, people on the 'political correctness gone mad' side think it's pro-left, Corbynites think it has a vendetta against Jeremy Corbyn, a large element of the pro-Indy movement in Scotland believe it to be biased in favour of the Union. 

What's concerning is that Lord Adonis is a significant figure, particularly to political centrists, the group who have largely stayed firm in defending the BBC even if we are sick of seeing Farage on Question Time. In this era of fake news, of people proclaiming their distrust of the MSM (mainstream media), of protests outside BBC Scotland's buildings in Glasgow, of fictionalised stories from alternative news sources being taken as gospel by whichever group that story is designed to appease the beliefs of, in this time of all of that seeing a centrist big hitter crusading against the BBC it gives a sense of legitimacy to the radical anti-MSM elements of society. He is telling people it is ok to ignore uncomfortable truths, to dismiss them as lies. 

I'm vehemently opposed to Brexit and unapologetic in my beliefs that we should have a second referendum on the issue. I'm biased on this issue. As I am on pretty much every issue I've spent any time learning about. That means when something on the news or in a paper comes out that doesn't conform to the biased world view I've got it is difficult to take on board. I understand why people want to shut it down, but that isn't how news works. News isn't there to conform to my bias, nor to Adonis' bias. Adonis isn't attempting to change the BBC, he is trying to sow the seeds of doubt in the minds of his Twitter followers or readers of his articles. If Adonis says the BBC is biased against my position, and I felt initially as though it was biased, maybe it is. It isn't me that's wrong, it's the children, as Pirnciple Skinner might put it. This is a dangerous path, one that leads to fake news, to important issues being ignored and dismissed and for the echo chambers of modern politics to be emboldened even further. 

Monday, 9 January 2017

Corbyn and Immigration

With Jeremy Corbyn's decision to U-turn on immigration, apparently part of the new strategy to create a left-wing populist movement with Jeremy at the helm, he makes a few key mistakes. His first mistake is talking about it at all. Labour are best on immigration by acting left-wing but saying nothing, unless absolutely necessary, and even then only speaking vaguely and not getting too bogged down in detail. This is essential as it is the issue that pits the parties two main support bases against each other, the working class, and the liberal, metropolitans. As we have seen with the Unite election, being hard on immigration plays well with white working class voters and so to appeal to that base an anti-immigration policy makes strategic sense. But unlike Unite Labour owe their electoral successes to another group as well, the aforementioned liberal base. To them the immigration issue is a red-line one, they are the anti-Brexit brigade who consider anti-immigration rhetoric to be the most vile politics that exist within our system. To appeal to both groups on the issue is very very difficult and the best answer for Labour is to try to avoid the topic.

But the leader has waded straight in, and in doing so is angering the metropolitan liberal types, like myself, and crucially, like most of his supporters. It may look like good politics though, to appeal to the working class when we are fighting UKIP in our northern heartlands and with a crucial by-election looming. Perhaps this will broaden our appeal with those who might otherwise be tempted to vote for UKIP or an increasingly hard-lined Tory party. This, however, is not the case. It comes across as insincere and nobody who feels angry about immigration is going to believe Jeremy actually means it. He is therefore angering one part of the parties support base in order to appeal to another who won't actually believe him anyway.

This is made even more problematic as it damages the one positive that has come from Jeremy's leadership, taking votes from the Green voting left. I don't believe for a second that we can win an election based on gaining green votes and those from the dissilusioned non-voters alone, but I welcome every new member and supporter and voter we can get. Appealing to them isn't enough, but at least it is something and credit where credit is due, Jeremy is convincing a few former Green voters to come to us. But how will they greet this news? They are as aghast by anti-immigration politics as the metropolitan base. We convince new people to join our party and quickly start banging on the drum that is most abhorrent to them.

In short Jeremy is managing to appeal to nobody with this change and alienate his own supporters and many others within the party. All for a policy idea that we know he does not actually support on the topic most difficult for our party. If this is the first step of the left-wing populist movement I am fearful for the next,

Friday, 18 November 2016

Reading Dares for Book Week Scotland

To celebrate Book Week Scotland the Scottish Book Trust are challenging anyone who is brave enough to do one of their Reading Dares (you can find yours here). Being an avid reader and fan of anything challenging I thought it would be a great idea to do a few of these dates and celebrate Book Week Scotland in style. I will update this blog with the Reading Dares as I complete them.

Dare 1:

My first dare was to ask for a book in a bookshop through the medium of interpretive dance. I decided Moby Dick would be a good choice as dancing as a whale and as someone on a boat didn't seem too intimidating. I walked into Blackwell's in Edinburgh and tried to decide if I was actually brace enough to make a fool of myself in public. At the downstairs desk there was a queue so I decided to walk upstairs and saw four people behind the desk, but a large area that would become my stage. I nervously walked towards the desk and was asked if they could help me. This was it, was I going to do this, really?

'I was looking for a specific book.' I sort of stuttered out.

'What book are you looking for?'

Ok, now or never, now or never. I began by half leaping and trying my best to imitate a man on a boat looking for a whale, before trying a terrible attempt at dancing whale style. I finished my performance and asked 'so, do you have it?'

Thankfully they were aware of the reading dare and seemed to enjoy my somewhat odd interpretation of Moby Dick, though my interpretive dancing could evidently do with some practice as they didn't know what book I was looking for. But I did it, it was exhilarating and I'm very thankful to everyone there for letting me get Reading Dare number one done!


Dare 2:

A less embarrassing dare for number two is to read an extra story or book to my daughter every day. Generally I will stick with her reading books but for the first one I couldn't resist introducing her to 'Sunset Song'. She's got a good track record of finding books already though.




Thursday, 4 August 2016

ZC: The Wind Waker

Loading up my original Gamecube copy of the Wind Waker I was surprised to see my first save was from way back in 2003. It seems incredible that this is a game I first played 13 years ago, but it still seems like a recent game to me. I remember it so clearly and fondly, yet I was basically a seasoned Zelda veteran by the time I first played this game.

Starting a new save I am greeted with a great opening sequence which gives some background to the legend of Zelda and Link. Once this is over a young girl is crying out 'Big Brother' and Link is found in his usual state...asleep! Watching the cel shading it seems incredible to think how controversial this was at the time. I cannot imagine this game in anything but cel shading. Pre-HD this still stands up as having good graphics. The scenery is colourful and detailed.

Pretty quickly the game jumps into familiar Zelda territory as you are given your green robes and you set about outset Island and learn the controls. Having got about half way through A Link to the Past over the last few days it's taking a little getting used to the controls. One of the few things about this game I dislike is the 'c' stick being in reverse. I find going forwards to be quite difficult and it lets the game down somewhat. However the pure joy of the setting and the colour more than make up for it. Whilst it may not have the instant action of A Link to the Past it does have a warm start and the loving family element is classic Zelda. It feels warm and you really care about the characters.

Saving Tetra is again enjoyable and the light teasing she provides fits in well with the light-hearted warm elements of the Zelda games. Playing the initial stages it reminds me more of Skyward Sword than any of the other games, there's a warmth that is somewhat lacking in some of the other games which I think are an essential part of the Zelda universe. It works so well because, like in Skyward Sword, it makes you care. When you see your sister taken away by the bird it hurts. She has given you her most prized possession for the day and followed you up the mountain and is taken away. You care. It's something the Zelda universe can do brilliantly and it adds a great personal element to the wide-ranging narrative of the legend.

You leap off the mountain to try to save your sister from the bird, but to no avail, and you suspend from the top of the mountain, held by Tetra's hand, but you know you need to save her. This one's personal. And you get to sail with pirates. Yep Zelda with pirates. And some people don't like this game!

Monday, 1 August 2016

ZC A Link to the Past: The Dungeon in the Castle

'Help me... Please help me. I am prisoner in the dungeon of the castle.

My name is Zelda'

As far as opening lines to Zelda games go, this is probably my favourite. Zelda is met with a terrible fate and it is up to...your uncle to help save her. Unfortunately for him, but fortunately for us and the Hero of Time your uncle is utterly useless at saving princesses from castle dungeons and barely makes it into the entrance before failing. He tells you off, gives you his sword, and presumably dies. We are left wondering why he bothered in the first place, and when I think of my uncle I view this to be the most accurate occurrence ever in any video game I've ever played. The worst thing about your Uncle is he doesn't actually say what he's doing, he casually departs the house one day saying 'Link, I'm going out for a while' as if he's popping out for milk!

Anyway, he dies, he gives you his sword and that's it. The action has started. You are in a dungeon, full of guards who want to kill you and it is your job to try to save the Princess, hurrah! I mentioned in my first blog of my concurrent playthrough of Skyward Sword that it was probably my favourite beginning to a Zelda game. A Link to the Past is tied for second alongside Ocarina of Time purely for this reason. No faffing about, enough of a storyline through the cutscene before the game starts to give you context, a suicidal uncle, and it is up to you to save the Princess and save Hyrule from the evil wizard. Excellent.

A Link to the Past is the first Zelda game I ever played, and probably the one I've played the most. Because of this a lot of it has proven to be very familiar and hasn't been too taxing to remember what to do, where to go and how to do it. I found Zelda, I took Zelda to the sanctuary and...is that? The Master Sword! This is it! No, this can't be it, too bad. Yep, did it all. Found the old man, and started the Eastern Palace, where I am now.

What strikes me, replaying this, is the richness of the music. I've chosen two tracks to represent this, firstly the familiar overworld theme, a classic Zelda song (and my ringtone). The second is the Eastern Palace theme. It's creepy, it's unsettling and it helps create a division between the dungeons and the overworld. In the next blog on LTTP I'll put in a more detailed report on the Eastern Palace, but for now, sit back, relax and listen to the joy of LTTP's music.


ZC Skyward Sword: The Beginning

Of all the Zelda games I don't think there is one which has such a full and enjoyable opening sequence as Skyward Sword. Being introduced to Zelda early on there is genuine warmth between the characters and their friendship feels real. Zelda is a childhood friend of Link's, and is not a Princess. This equal social status allows them to have this bond and the first inklings of romantic feelings between Link and Zelda.

Starting the new game I was instantly struck by the lush impressionist art style of the landscape. It works fantastically and holds up against HD graphics of current and contemporary rivals. The grainy views of the distance make sense with this unique graphical style. It also creates an impression of it being distant yet warm. It made me feel like the game was taking place long in the past, which in the Timeline it is.  My first introduction to Skyward Sword's Zelda was fantastic, she teased Link for his laziness and it created a lasting impression of friendship. Later in the game, when Zelda got lost, I felt genuine sadness and wanted to save her. This isn't Mario trying to save a distant and un-relatable Princess Toadstool, this is your friend who is in danger and you are the only one who can save her.

Exploring Skyloft, the island in the sky, was a joy to behold as well. The characters feel real and rich. Skyloft is probably the single most in depth town in the Zelda universe. There is so much to explore and so many new and familiar characters. The greatest, naturally, is Groose. He is the jock who loves Zelda and is jealous of your bond with her. He also has the slickest pompadour in Skyloft.

There's a lot about Skyward Sword I'm not a huge fan of, but the opening part of the game I think is fantastic and is probably the best of any in the series. It takes the best elements from other two I like the most, A Link to the Past and Ocarina of Time. Ocarina had the storyline and the chance to explore Kokiri Forest. A Link to the Past was straight into the action. With Skyward Sword there is an element of both. Which brings me to the final, and most enjoyable aspect of my playtime on this save so far: My Loftwing. The giant birds that Skyloft's residents fly through the sky. The motion controls may be often criticised, but they worked perfectly for me. Flying on the loftwing is great fun and the race against Groose and the rest was fantastic. It's the closest I'll ever get to being a Seeker on a Quiditch pitch.

All in all, so far, brilliant. I remember why I loved this game so much when I first played it. I have just arrived at the Sealed Grounds and my next post will likely detail the first temple, but I will finish this with the theme from the true star of Skyloft:




Sunday, 31 July 2016

The Role of the Scots Language and its place in Education

Whether Scots is even a language, rather than a dialect of English, remains controversial. According to a 2010 study commissioned by the Scottish government suggested “for most adults in Scotland, Scots is not considered a language.” The study found that 64% of people felt that Scots was either not a language, or merely a dialect of English, compared to a minority of 29% who considered Scots to be a language. However simply because it is not widely considered a language by the majority of the population, does not necessarily mean it is not a language. The biggest difficulty in determining the status of Scots is the lack of clear criteria as to what makes something a language rather than a dialect. Scots is clearly similar to English, yet there are distinct differences that separate it from the English language. Both are West Germanic languages that developed simultaneously and due to similar immigration patterns to Scotland as to England, they developed in similar ways. Arguments in favour of Scots being a legitimate language largely fall into two types, the first compares Scots with other languages and the second looks into the history of the Scots language. Scots was used by law-makers and officials in Scotland prior to the Union of Crowns in 1603. Noblemen, officials and even the Kings of Scotland spoke in the Scots language. ‘The Kingis Quair’, widely thought to have been written by James I of Scotland is written in Middle Scots, an older form of the language. These two lines from ‘The Kingis Quair’ are a good example of Middle Scots: “Of this and that, can I noght say quharfore,/Bot slepe for craft in erth myght I no more.” This languages has similarities with middle english (‘y’ replacing ‘i’ in ‘myght’ for example), yet has its own distinct set of grammatical rules that seperate it from English. The ‘quh’ before ‘quharfore’ is one such distinctly Scots example. ‘Quh’ was used as an alternative to ‘wh’ in middle Scots and is utilised as such throughout the quair. This rule can be further observed in the poetry of Alexander Montgomerie. Montgomerie was writing in the late 16th century, but the ‘quh’ rather than ‘wh’ is still utilised by the poet. “Quhen with a quhisk sho quhirlis about hir quheill” Middle Scots continued as a language for far longer than Middle English did. It was not until the Act of Union that Middle Scots shifted to modern Scots.
Proponents of the argument that Scots is a language, such as the Scottish government’s education website, point out the similarity between Norwegian and Danish. ‘Scots Online’ a website dedicated to the promotion of the Scots language, provide an example sentence in Norwegian and in Danish. First in Danish: “Kan ikke brukes i forbindelse med dimme utstyr eller elektronisk av og på mekanismer. Ikke egnet til bruk i helt lukkede armaturer.” Compared with Norwegian: “Kan ikke bruges i forbindelse med lysdæmper og elektronisk tænd-sluk-ur. Ikke egnet til helt lukkede armaturer” Norwegian and Danish are as similar as Scots is to English, if not more so, yet, as Scots language proponents establish, Danish and Norwegian are considered distinct and separate languages. Danes and Norwegains can understand each other, with little difficulty. The same cannot always be said for native Scots speakers and some English speakers. Scots occasionally have to modify their speech to be understood by those with little knowledge of Scots. According to proponents of Scots being a language, this implies that if Danish and Norwegian are legitimately separate languages, then so to are Scots and English. Yet this still does not conclusively prove that Scots is a language. Denmark and Norway are separate countries from one another, and each use their respective languages exclusively at official level. Both languages have standardised dictionaries and grammatical rules, neither face the problems created by a lack of defined standardisation that Scots faces.

Both the argument from history, and the comparison with other languages provide compelling arguments in favour of Scots being a language, but they are by no means conclusive. When compared to other regional variations of English, e.g. the traditional Yorkshire dialect, there does not appear to be any difference. The traditional Yorkshire dialect (that is now sadly almost non- existent) was as distinct from English as Scots is, if not more-so, yet few would argue that Yorkshire is a language. Similarly the language spoken in the North-East of England shares as much with Scots as it does with English, and has an entirely unique set of linguistic rules and words, again ‘Geordie’ is considered a dialect, not a language. The one difference between these dialects and Scots is that Scotland is considered a nation. Historically it was a separate country entirely, and many proponents of the Scots language argue that as Scotland is still a separate nation (albeit one in a Union with the rest of the UK), Scots is therefore separate on a political level. Whether the status of Scotland as a nation, and Yorkshire as merely a region, affects whether the respective dialects are languages or not is unclear. Without a specific definition as to what makes something a dialect and makes something a language it is difficult to determine. Whether or not it is a language is unclear, however it is currently recognised as a language by both the Scottish and British governments, so for the rest of this essay I will be working on the assumption that Scots is, indeed, a language. However even if it is not a language, the case for it being historically significant is sufficient evidence to its place in schools. Scots has clearly been significant in both the history and culture of Scotland, and it would be a case of double standards to omit the learning of Scots merely because of the inconclusive nature as to its status. Whilst 64% of Scots, according to the study mentioned above, may not believe Scots is ‘really’ a language, 55% of Scots believe the language/dialect should be taught in schools.

It is worth questioning whether there is a political agenda behind the increasing role Scots is taking in education. It is not a coincidence that this increase in cultural nationalism in education is occurring under a nationalist government. This is clearly the case. Whether this is occurring due to a genuine belief that cultural nationalism is important, or due to a notion that increased cultural nationalism will lead to increased political nationalism and thus help the current government win support for their core philosophy, is less clear. Anne Sobey, in her essay, establishes that: “It is recognised in Scottish nationalist circles that, without an increased sense of ‘Scottishness’ which would allow cultural separation from England, political independence would be difficult to achieve.” This begs the question, is the increased role of Scots (and other aspects of Scottish culture) in schools an attempt to create cultural separation from England? It is worth comparing Scots with the other non-English language of Scotland: Gaelic. Gaelic Medium Education in Scotland is being increasingly promoted by the Scottish Government, to the extent that last year they published their intention of setting up Gaelic education in every state primary school in the country. This may be a case of the government’s nationalist agenda being used to foster a cultural separation between Scotland and England. Unlike Scots, which is legitimately spoken across the country, Gaelic is confined to very small, sparsely populated parts of Scotland. Gaelic has not been spoken in lowland Scotland for centuries, and parts of Scotland have never spoken Gaelic. Encouraging Gaelic medium education in areas of the country that are predominantly Gaelic speaking should be encouraged, and every effort should be put into helping the survival of the language in these areas. Yet Scots is a different matter.

Nationalism for political benefit is potentially the driving force behind increasing the teaching of both Scots and Gaelic in schools. For Gaelic this creates the problem of an unimportant language being taught to people who have no background or cultural ties to the language, yet Scots is clearly different. Scots is spoken across the country, and 85% of people in Scotland speak Scots to some extent. Unlike Gaelic, Scots is clearly a language that has practical use and is utilised by most Scottish pupils on a day to day basis. Although nationalism for the sake of nationalism in education (and generally for society) is a negative thing, if it helps deliver education in the language that many Scots feel more familiar with, then (in this case) it is clearly beneficial. Anne Sobey notes this in her essay: “A huge gap exists between the Scottish experience and the English language”. Without the use of Scots there is a fear of creating a two-tier linguistic system for pupils, who are forced to learn in a language that is not, necessarily, their first language. There has been little research done looking into the impact of conducting lessons in Scots to pupils who speak Scots as their first language, however what little there has been has wielded positive results. One study by Matthew Fitt and Cathrin Howells, which looked into the impact of Scots being taught at a Glebelands Primary School in 2005 showed an improvement in the behaviour of pupils Scots speaking with low attainment levels. It is clear that teaching children in the language that is more familiar, or native to them, is beneficial.

Although there are clear benefits to teaching Scots, there are practical difficulties associated with the language. The biggest of which is the lack of standardisation. Unlike English, which went through a continued process of standardisation, dating back to Samuel Johnson’s A Dictionary of the English Language, Scots has had no real standardisation. Dictionaries have been created and compiled over the last few years in an attempt to remedy this problem, however Scots still lacks a complete formal code that other languages have. The most comprehensive dictionary in Scots, the Dictionary of the Scots Language, contains Older Scots, Middle Scots and Modern Scots words, yet includes words from every dialect of Scots. This provides another problem. Scots is made up of many regional dialects, which differ considerably from one another. The Doric dialect of the North East of Scotland, for example, is distinct and separate from the Glaswegian dialect. Take the English word ‘child’ for example, in Glaswegian the correct term would be ‘wean’, yet in Doric it is ‘bairn’. Similarly words such as ‘loun’, ‘quine’, ‘muckle’, ‘fit’, and ‘ken’, all commonly used in the Doric dialect, are not understood by native Glaswegian speakers. All exist within the Dictionary of the Scots Language, however. This is problematic as there becomes no clear distinction between one form of Scots and another, rather the collection of Scots words is a collection of different dialects that are not heard together. The sentence ‘The wean is a quine’ is a sentence using Scots words included in the dictionary, yet it is a sentence that would be heard neither in Glasgow (due to the word ‘quine’) nor Banffshire (due to the word ‘wean’). Teaching Scots one must be careful to ensure that the Scots language being taught is one that is local and makes sense to the pupils in the local area. The benefit of learning Scots in a school in Keith would be lost if the Scots taught was one resembling Glaswegian, rather than the local Doric dialect.

Another significant problem faced with teaching Scots, is linked to the lack of standardisation, and that is how to write in Scots. Scots has not been a written language in any meaningful way for centuries. Although poets have written their poems down in Scots, there are huge discrepancies and differences in how it is written. ‘To a Haggis’ by Burns provides one example of written Scots: ‘Fai fa’ your honest sonsie face’. Burns makes use of the apostrophe in “fa”, something which modern poets or Scots writers would not do. The government education website advises “An apostrophe tells us that something is missing, but in Scots words like greetin, daein, lowpin, snawin etc, there is no missing letter g”. Tom Leonard makes use of the lack of standardised form of Scots by writing in a completely different way: ‘iz coz yi/widny wahnt/mi ti talk/aboot thi/truuth wia/voice lik/wanna yoo/scruff.” These examples are both legitimately Scots, yet entirely different from one another. Teaching Scots, without firm grammatical rules or standardised spelling, is difficult. Yet standardising spelling and creating one correct form of the language is something that linguists are unwilling or unprepared to do. There is a risk that much of the fluidity or natural flow of the language could be lost if certain ways of writing or spellings of words are declared incorrect. Education Scotland are aware of the difficulties presented in writing in a language with few fixed rules, and simply advise consistency. There is a potential problem with teaching pupils to write in a language which does not have any rules, and there is a fear it may have a negative impact on their English writing, a language with a fixed orthography. Interestingly though, according to a study by Celia Craig, conducted in Westhill Academy in Aberdeenshire, the use of Scots actually helped pupils grasp linguistic concepts. She claims “Scots clearly emerges as an enhancing element in pupil acquisition of language and linguistic concepts.”

A further practical difficulty with Scots is pupil’s difficulties in differentiating between Scots and slang. According to the study mentioned above, conducted by Celia Craig: “The S5/6 response at the focus Secondary School featured pupil inclusion of what might be termed teenage jargon words (e.g. “stonkin”, “mingin”) as Scots.” It is therefore crucial to begin lessons in Scots at an earlier age, in order for pupils to be aware of what constitutes Scots, and what is merely Scots sounding slang. These are difficulties associated with a non-standardised language. Without specific rules it can be difficult to determine whether a word is a legitimate part of the language, or if it is slang. ‘Mingin’, the example used by Craig, is included in some Scots dictionaries as a legitimate word. ‘Mingin’ is derived from the Scots ‘ming’ (meaning smell) and is legitimately used as a Scots word in certain regional Scots dialects. Yet clearly there is difficulty in determining whether it actually is a real Scots word, or merely an example of slang. When it is unclear due to the lack of standardisation, it is difficult to accurately teach children correctly. One teacher may consider it a legitimate word, whilst another may not. Reasonable guidelines must be put in place, but must be done so whilst being mindful of the region one is in.

Console Zelda Challenge

With the very exciting news that Breath of the Wild, the upcoming Zelda title, is to be released relatively soon I decided to revisit some of the old Zelda games. Whilst aimlessly attacking Deku Babbas and riding Epona through Hyrule I decided it would be fun to play through some of the games again. Then I thought about going one better and playing through ALL the console games again.

My challenge is this, to try to complete all eight of the console Zelda games by the time Breath of the Wild is released. As I work full time and have a baby child and responsibilities this means my free time is very limited and therefore this may be harder than it sounds. I'm not going for speed runs, so will be looking for all the extras and pieces of heart that I care to find. As much as possible I will be playing the original games on the original consoles (so N64 for Ocarina, not the 3DS version, Gamecube for Wind Waker, not the newer HD version etc) and looking up strategy guides or walkthroughs is strictly prohibited. Today I will be starting with Skyward Sword (simply as it's the game I've not played as much of as the others) and will possibly start a Link to the Past save as well. I'll keep this blog updated with my progress.

Wish me luck!

Saturday, 20 September 2014

Forget about the 45, let's focus on the 85

I’ve spent the past few weeks very much looking forward to this weekend. Throughout history one of the biggest problems faced by the left is our tendency to split, argue with each other and our complete inability to put aside differences and focus on the common good. The past two years has seen this occur in Scotland. We’ve been split amongst Yes voters and No voters, between those who believe Independence was the best way to enact social change, and those who believe that change through the Union is the better course. Whatever your views are on this issue (and mine, I fully admit, are strong), the referendum has happened and the decision has effectively been made for us. Any change that is going to come will have to take place in the Union. I looked forward to this weekend because I, perhaps naively, believed that whatever the outcome, that those of us on the left would reunite and fight for social justice. I believed we would have done so in a newly independent Scotland, and I believed we would do so if we remained in the Union.

I’m starting to wonder if I was incorrect. Facebook and twitter are now focusing on ‘The 45’ (whether this is a deliberate reference to the Jacobites I’m not yet sure of), referring to the 45% of people who voted Yes on Thursday. The aims seem to be basically that we should use the voice people believe the Yes campaign gave them, and turn it into a long-term movement. But this is focusing on division, on difference, on what has separated us for the past two years. I don’t think this is wise, like it or not, we democratically rejected independence, but that does not mean we have rejected change or social justice. I want to fight alongside my comrades again, no matter what their views on constitutional change is. 

I was flicking through my photos last week, and found this one below:


It is of me during the student protests against the raise in tuition fees. I fought alongside my comrades, and whilst we may not have succeeded in our aims, our voices were heard and I felt heartened that so many people could come together to fight for something. Now I worry, however, as I realise how split we all seem to be now. People I fought alongside with are on the other ‘side’ of the independence referendum, but when we agree on so much why should our views on which parliament governs us matter? We should fight together again.


This is a plea. Throw out your referendum badges, be they ‘Yes’ or ‘No Thanks’, and reject this horrid, divisiveness that we have had over the past two years, reject ‘The 45’, and embrace the 85%, the fantastic, wonderful 85% of us who voted and have been engaged in political debate. Let us work together to enact change, and let this debate about independence be settled for the time being. 

Friday, 8 March 2013

The GUU Misogyny Row: Why the Leftists Must Take a Back Seat

In the final of the Glasgow Ancients debate, held at the GUU, two female debaters were allegedly subject to sexist abuse by some board members of the Glasgow University Union. You can read about the abuse Rebecca Meredith and Marlena Velles were subject to here.

Much of the student body at Glasgow University have reacted angrily to the stories of misogyny and petitions and facebook pages condemning the actions of these GUU board members sprung up quickly. Many societies have dissafiliated with the GUU in the wake of the allegations, including the Feminist Society, Labour Club and Scottish Nationalists. Anger has spread across the political spectrum and the comments have been widely condemned by most in the student body. Even those who are generally apolitical have found a voice and have reacted to these allegations.

Glasgow University has a problem, however. That is the extreme leftists. There are large swathes of far-left groups, and people affiliated with the extremist UK Anti-Cut group (who claim to be opposed to all forms of government cuts). Recently they have been very active in ensuring far left candidates have prevailed at SRC (Student Representative Council) elections, similar to the leftist control over the University of Edinburgh's EUSA.

Unfortunately these leftists destroy any chance of reasonable political discourse at the university. Nationalist far-leftists heckled and booed Jackie Baille of the Better Together campaign during the recent mock referendum held at the Uni, causing anger from both Nationalists and Unionists. Anything resembling a protest at Glasgow University has turned into an easily targetted farce as soon as the leftists take control. These leftists took direct action to illegally occupy the Hetherington building only two years ago. Having a wide range of political opinions and groups is healthy for a university, but the far-left craving for absolute power over political proceedings has been detrimental to student politics, and more aptly, to genuinely important protests and political issues.

Students across the UK took part in protests against the rise in tuition fees, myself included. However in Glasgow, as was the case in Edinburgh, the leftists took control and forced their anti-cut agenda upon the protest. As someone who is not on the extreme left, I felt angry that the protest had been hijacked by the far-left and that those of us who are moderate, but still felt we wanted to protest against raising tuition fees, were suddenly associated and involved in those with extremist politics.

We cannot let this happen in the protest against misogyny at the GUU.

If the leftists take control I believe nothing will be acheived in our fight to reform the student union. The GUU board will be able to dismiss the campaign as being another one perpetuated by the loony left brigade, and not one which has support of us moderates, and even those who take little interest in student politics.

So far the campaign is reasoned, and a single issue campaign. I applaud this, but it must remain the same.

Reading a blog this morning by Tarzan Girl I worry that the far left are already trying to stamp their agenda on proceedings. The GUU is largely a traditional, conservative union frequented by the middle classes, as opposed to the more liberal Queen Margaret Union. This makes the GUU the antithesis to the ideals of the leftists on campus. Tarzan Girl's blog is a call to arms amongst the far-left against the GUU as a whole, not simply a call for something to be done about the recent case of misogyny. I am concerned that people who have an agenda against the GUU are using this as an excuse, and aim to use this scandal to further their own, biased, agenda.

Tarzan Girl's criticisms of the GUU are enlightening. She dislikes Chris Sibbald for going on a 'Zionist Rant'. This implies that there is some sort of problem with Zionism, or perhaps a belief that pro-Israeli views are somehow associated with misogyny. This is nothing short of a rallying cry for leftists, who are passionately anti-Israel. It emphasises the true problem the far-left have with the GUU. Tarzan Girl complains about the GUU stealing a banner from the illegal occupation of the Hetherington Building, before displaying their trophy on the turret of the GUU. She is carrying bitterness over a student joke and using this as ammunition against the Union as a whole. To really get the leftists angry she has posted a picture of Chris Sibbald wearing a dinner jacket, smoking a cigar. Evidently she believes class prejudice is a valid reason to dislike an institution.

Misogyny is wrong. The misogyny that occured at the GUU is wrong. The GUU as a whole is not. It is a proud institution which needs aspects of it, reformed. This will not occur if the far-left control the protest. We in the student body, whether left-wing, right-wing or apolitical, need to unite to ensure this remains a single issue campaign. That is the only way we can reform the misogynistic nature of some in the GUU board. 

Sunday, 12 August 2012

The Problem With Shopping

I hate shopping. I really hate shopping.

To clarify that statement, I don't hate all shopping. I quite enjoy browsing books and looking at CDs and the occasional foray into a tacky tourist shop can be amusing and illuminating (so that is what other countries think Scottish people are like). It is clothes shopping I cannot stand. The whole experience is utterly humiliating and boring. You have to drag yourself from one stuffy shop to another, avoiding the crowds of people who seem to move at an extraordinarily slow pace in order to buy things which are essential, not entertaining.

This is particularly true of jeans shopping. Jeans are essential items but they are a nightmare to buy. Getting a pair which fits perfectly feels pretty much impossible. Either they fit your waist but are too long, or too short. Maybe the length is right but they are clearly too tight around your thighs, which up until now you hadn't realised were bigger than the 'average' person. Once in a while you will think you have struck gold, a pair of jeans which fit your waist, fit your legs and are even the right length. Then you look down and see a pronounced bulge coming from your pelvis and you realise that these jeans definitely expose too much to wear in public.

And that is just the jeans themselves. Before you have even got to the 'trying them on' stage you have to find a shop and deal with shop people. Walking into Topman is daunting, the ludicrously good looking sales staff give you that look, that one which says 'you don't belong here'. Everyone else in the shop appears to be skinny and pulling off a sort of indy chic that belongs in an episode of Skins, not a shopping department.

Eventually you will find a pair of jeans which aren't perfect, but are good enough. After two hours of searching for the holy grail you will try on one pair of jeans which are a little tight, and a little long but you will utter the best five words known to man 'Fuck it, that will do'. You then find out the one piece of good news you've had all day, the jeans you have selected are in the 5% off section. Brilliant, you are saving a couple of pounds which can be spent on a coffee or hot dog. Brilliant.

You take the jeans up to the counter, tired, frustrated and desperate to get home. You hand over the jeans and show your student card to get your 15% student discount only to be told by an uppity member of the sales staff that 'Student discount doesn't apply on sale items', in a voice which makes this little piece of information seem so obvious you are an idiot for not knowing that student discount doesn't apply on sale items.

You walk out of the shop, dejected, unhappy and with some new jeans which don't even fit right.

Long story short, I hate shopping.

Tuesday, 8 May 2012

Scandinavian Drama

Over the last couple of years there has been an onslaught of drama series and films coming from Scandinavia. Denmark have provided the exceedingly popular series 'The Killing', and have had us all hooked on the political career of Brigitte Nyborg in Borgen. Across the Øresund strait Sweden have provided us with the brooding detective series 'Wallander' and the popular 'Millenium' film and novel series. Now BBC 4 have picked up a joint venture between Sweden and Denmark which involves the police forces of both countries working together after a severed body is discovered half in Sweden, half in Copenhagen on the Øresund Bridge. Jointly funded by Swedish and Danish producers 'The Bridge' (Or 'Bron'/'Broen' to our Scandinavian neighbours, depending on which side of the Strait you reside) is continuing in the same vein as previous Scandinavian dramas and once again has a British audience hooked. But what is it about these Scandinavian dramas that is so popular?

A cynic may wonder if Danish people wait with excitement at the chance to watch the latest subtitled episode of Silent Witness, perhaps we love these dramas simply because they are other. Scandinavia is close enough to the UK to share similar cultures, but far enough away to be different and have certain nuances that are alien and exciting to us. Something bland and boring in English sounds positively fascinating in Danish or Swedish.

I don't think this fully explains our fascination with Scandinavian dramas though, I think we love them because they are good. There is something haunting and eerie about the slow pace with which they develop. It combines all that made 'The Wire' such a great series with a bleakness that exists in Scandinavian countries. When watching 'The Bridge' it is difficult not to recall Anders Breivik. Whoever the killer is in 'The Bridge' is murdering people to highlight a perceived problem he or she has. The killer clearly feels that the murders are justified in doing this, and although I don't know yet who it is, it is clear that there is morality and careful consideration behind the cold and calculating killer. This is eerily similar to the reasons Breivik has given for the atrocities that occurred last year on Utøya. Breivik has tried to justify his actions by claiming he did them for the greater good, to spread a moral message and to prevent Muslims immigration to Norway. Much like the killer in 'The Bridge', Breivik is motivated by political beliefs.

Recalling Breivik whilst watching 'The Bridge' creates an added eeriness and sinister feeling to the series. It becomes difficult not to view certain people in Scandinavia as having a dark and brooding, yet quiet and calculating evilness whilst they operate in a bleak land. Something about Scandinavian drama is captivating us and I hope that the combination of good writing, slow build up and the Swedish, Danish and Norwegian atmosphere continues.



Thursday, 1 September 2011

Top Five Favourite Conspiracy Theories

With the tenth anniversary of 9/11 fast approaching already hours on television and pages of print are being dedicated in memory of those lost in the atrocity. Whenever those attacks on September the 11th are mentioned the popular conspiracy theories are quick to follow. The BBC have even dedicated an entire documentary series to the conspiracy theories where due to neutrality they end each episode open ended, as if these theories are anything more than complete fucking bullshit. Conspiracy theories though I find fascinating. I love the idea that there is a secret Jewish cabal of bankers controlling the world and the Ku Klux Klan are our only hope of saviour, or that the moon landings where faked by a secret Jewish cabal of bankers so that the USA would beat the soviets in the space war or even the one where they put fluoride in the water to give people cavities so you go to the Jewish dentists and pay them more money. Conspiracy theorists love them Jewish Cabals. Anyway, here is my list of my top five favourite conspiracy theories, in descending order:

5. Aids Was Created To Kill off The Gays/Blacks

Left-wing conspiracy theories are quite rare. Generally there are communists, or socialists or Jews who are responsible for trying to destroy the freedoms of good, honest, Christian Americans. This one is different. According to this theory the right-wing white government decided to create a disease to kill off the gays or the blacks (depends which left-wing hippie nutter you believe) through an easily spreadable and incurable disease. Unfortunately for the conspirators they forgot that white straight people enjoy sex and heroin too.

4. Paul Is Dead

In 1966 Paul McCartney died in a car crash and was replaced by a look-a-like. Yep, that happened. According to the theory not only did McCartney die, but The Beatles covered it up, but put secret clues in their music and album artwork. These include an apparent hidden message included in the song 'Revolution 9' and that the image of the Beatles walking on the front of their 'Abby Road' album is supposed to signify a funeral procession. My only concern is, if the current Paul McCartney is a fake, why did they get such a wanker to play him?

3. Bob Marley Was Assassinated

I like this one just due to the sheer complexity of the theory. Often when celebrities who die are the focus of conspiracy theories the actual method of death is questioned, not so with Marley. According to this theory the CIA gave him the melanoma which would eventually kill him. Not only this, but the way they did it was by inserting copper into a pair of football boots which they then gave to the reggae artist as a gift. Marley used the boots, kicked a post, cut his foot, hit the copper, got melanoma, recorded the greatest live album of any reggae artist ever and then died. If that is true then the CIA should be congratulated for the most needlessly complex assassination ever carried out, ever.

2. The Protocols of the Elders of Zion

This one is quite frankly scary. I made a joke about how Jewish Cabals seem to be involved somehow in every single conspiracy theory ever made, but this one is no laughing matter. The Protocols of the Elders of Zion where a fake document made to make it look as if there was a great Jewish conspiracy. Essentially the document is a conspiracy within a conspiracy. This document was used as justification for anti-semetic laws and prejudice across the world, including in Nazi Germany where it was used by Hitler to justify hatred of the Jews and ultimately for the atrocities that occurred during the Holocaust. The document portray Jews as being Machiavellian and quite frankly evil. It is quite shocking and scary how this forged piece of literature was used.

1. Lizard Man Cometh!

Former BBC Sports pundit David Icke believes that the world is ruled by a secret cabal of Jews...wait, what? Not Jews but giant lizards!? Icke has forged a successful career where he claims that celebrities and rulers ranging from George W. Bush to the British Royal Family are secretly twelve foot lizards who, erm, control us. These Lizards come in all sorts of varieties but have disguised themselves as human beings. The Anti-racism organisation the ADL claim that these lizards are a code-word for Jews, but according to many, Icke genuinely believes that these lizards exist among us and are controlling our society. Scary eh? Here is Icke before the lizard phase on the Terry Wogan show:


I think you know why that is my favourite!

Saturday, 27 August 2011

The Strange Case of Digby Bamford

15th of March 1964 a school boy in New South Wales, Australia, committed suicide, shortly after being expelled from school. His name was Digby Bamford, he was 13 years old. Bamford was expelled from school after it emerged he had been involved in 'promiscuity' with another pupil, there was an uproar in the local community and both Bamford and his girlfriend were expelled. Digby Bamford was found dead the following morning.

19th July 2011 was the day Rupert Murdoch claimed was the most humbling of his life. He was sitting before a parliamentary committee who where asking him questions with regards to the phone hacking scandal that shocked much of the nation. Murdoch claimed he was shocked that his publications and people in his employ were guilty of such a heinous crime. Both he and his son, James, claimed to disapprove of the phone hacking scandal.

The revelations concerning Digby Bamford emerged on the 12th of March 1964 on the front page of the Sydney Daily Mirror, a paper that was acquired by Murdoch earlier that year. Bamford and his girlfriend where subject to a local scandal when the information emerged, information that was acquired from the secret diary of Bamford's girlfriend. Journalists under Murdoch's direct employ had discovered the information about these school children which not only led to the expulsion of the two children, but ultimately to the suicide of a 13 year old boy.

Rupert Murdoch has been embroiled fully in the phone hacking scandal and has seen politicians which once went to great lengths to court his favour, now reject him. He went from being as popular as Gary Glitter in 1977 to being as popular as Gary Glitter in 2007. Murdoch claimed to have made mistakes, ones in which he had no direct involvement, ones which where the fault of employees he had no contact with, ones which he disapproved of, ones which he would never have done.

It would be trite of me to claim that Murdoch's involvement in the suicide of Digby Bamford was anything more than an unfortunate mistake. Rupert did not know that Bamford would commit suicide over the scandal and perhaps it was due to his memories of the Bamford situation that he felt so appalled with the phone hacking. One suicide, at the very start of his media career, is not reason enough to suspect him of wrongdoing. No, in all likelihood Murdoch felt deeply about Bamford's suicide, and (after an extensive cover up which lasted until the mid-seventies) vowed never to make such a mistake again.

Samantha MacAlpine may disagree with me. Well perhaps she would do if she where still alive. In 1977 MacAlpine was embroiled in a sex scandal involving BBC employees which was revealed by our favourite paper; The News of the World. Samantha was 15 years old. The News of the World revealed details of Top of the Pops presenters having sex with the young music fans, revelations which emerged from the secret diary of Samantha MacAlpine. The very next day Samantha committed suicide. A post-mortem revealed MacAlpine, who's name had been dragged through the mud, to be a virgin. A police enquiry lay the full blame for the suicide on Murdoch's News of the World. Both of these pieces of information where hidden by Murdoch after he curried favour with rival papers to prevent these revelations from emerging. Let us learn from our mistakes.

Thursday, 25 August 2011

The Naked Truth: A Clothes Optional Blog


Steven Gough, better known as 'The Naked Rambler', was today jailed for almost two more years for once again being naked in public here in Scotland. You can read the BBC article here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-tayside-central-14649394

Here is some background on Steven Gough. He set off from Lands End in 2005 in an attempt to walk from there, across the country, until he would finally reach John O'Groats. It took him two short months to get to Scotland, still in 2005, and that is when his attempt stalled. Scottish law is very strict on public nudity and he has been arrested, re-arrested and sentenced to months on end in prison. Each time he has been released, each time he has stripped off to continue his journey and each time our finest boys in blue have re-arrested him and charged him. Today's sentence is only the latest in the past six years which has seen Mr. Gough in Scottish prison for the majority of the past decade.

I have a few problems with this, but most importantly, how is it in the public interest to keep Steven Gough in prison? Looking at a wrinkly naked body may not be the nicest thing to do in the world, but does that justify him spending seven years in prison? I generally dislike comparing prison sentences, but any Daily Mail reader will tell you that murders and rapists are getting lighter sentences. The crime that Mr. Gough is perpetually guilty of is 'breach of the peace' and 'contempt of court'. To be honest, putting someone in jail for so long for such minuscule crimes seems ridiculous.

There have been remarkably few complaints about Mr. Gough's nudity and far more messages sent to the Scottish authorities in support of him. I do not understand why this man should have to spend so much time locked up for being in the most natural state of dress there is. It is not as if he is breaking any sexual law or frightening or hurting anyone. He is a man who is sticking to his principles, and good on him. If someone wants to walk from Lands End to John O'Groats then good on them! This highlights how petty aspects of our legal system can be, and how little common sense the Scottish authorities seem to have.

It is common sense that the English authorities retained, never arresting him and never charging him when he walked the longest distance in his journey. I support Steven Gough, the Naked Rambler, and hope that eventually our authorities realise how pathetic and silly they are being. Nudity is not considered to be a serious problem amongst most of the public, yet it seems to be a huge problem in our legal system. Next time you are naked, whether it is in the shower tomorrow morning, or if you are about to start your own walk from Lands End to John O'Groats, spare a thought for a man who will eventually spend at least seven years in prison for daring to be natural. Free the Naked Rambler!

Friday, 29 July 2011

Morality in Film

There is a powerful scene in Batman: The Dark Knight, in which the Joker devises a moral experiment. Two ships are leaving Gotham, to escape the terrorism their city is being subject to. One of these ships is full of innocent civilians who are fleeing the city through their own free will, the other ship is filled with the inmates of Gotham's prison. Unbeknownst to them however, the two ships have been filled to the rafters with explosives (not something worth checking during a period of extended terrorism evidently), but crucially each ship has also been given a detonator.

"Why would they give us a detonator to our own bomb?" one of the crew members aboard one of the ships asks.

Fortunately the Joker fills us in. It was he who filled the two ships with explosives, and he is about to conduct a social experiment. The detonator in the possession of the first ship is the one which will explode the second ship, and the detonator which will explode the first ship is in the possession of the second. The Joker explains that they have one hour to make a decision. One ship must blow up the other one, by the end of that hour, or the Joker will explode both ships. Effectively the only way to ensure survival is to destroy the other ship.

This poses a few moral questions. First of all, is it acceptable to kill others if it is to save yourself? Secondly, is it more acceptable to kill those who are on the prison ship, as they are convicts unlike the innocent people on the other ship? Thirdly, will the 'immoral' prisoners blow up the other ship to survive as they have no moral problem with letting others die?

In the film neither ship detonates the other, although all three questions are explored. Eventually Batman prevents the Joker from destroying either ship, and all live to tell the tale. Those on the civilian ship decide that even though the other ship is full of criminals, it is still immoral to blow them up. On the prison ship it is a large, tattooed man is the one who does the moral thing, and throws the detonator off the ship. Human spirit and morality prevails. More necessarily, a fairly liberal idea of what is right and what is wrong prevails.

I realised that the reason this is surprising is not because it is unrealistic (though I fear it may be), but because it is uncommon for this theme to be explored like that on film. It seems more common for these moral dilemmas to justify immoral actions, and for the situation to resolve itself with no immoral act taking place is quite surprising.

Take the immensely popular 24 for example. In this scenario the terribly exciting Jack Bauer is fighting to prevent a terrorist from detonating a Nuclear bomb. He finds the man who he is sure is responsible (incidentally this man is both clothed in traditional Muslim clothing and he is found in a Mosque) and thus Bauer decides he must extract information. Unfortunately though there is only a few hours before this bomb is due to explode, and our terrorist has decided to be a little difficult and is refusing to answer Mr. Bauer's questions.

Jack Bauer procedes to torture the terrorist.

This is known in philosophy as the 'Ticking Time Bomb' scenario. It is used, occasionally, in an attempt to show that torture can be justified. If torture is going to prevent the detonation of a bomb, which will kill innocent people, then surely it is acceptable to torture a terrorist. It plays to a utilitarian idea. It is better to hurt one person in order to save many, than to let this man go torture free but let innocent people die.

It is quite a powerful argument, but one which is flawed. Unfortunately torture does not work. Torture makes people more angry and even less likely to divulge crucial information. It does not achieve anything.

So when Jack tortures the terrorist with extremely upsetting and disturbing psychological torture, the terrorist would clearly get angry and refuse to help the Counter-Terrorist Unit find the bomb...well not quite. Quite oddly the torture works (not only does it work, it works really quickly, and really effectively), the terrorist tells Jack Bauer the information he needs and eventually Jack saves the day and looks bloody cool doing it.

The scary thing about this episode is it aired at a time when the American government was coming under pressure and criticism over 'enhanced interrogation techniques'. America was torturing people in Guantanamo Bay and torturing prisoners of War in Iraq and Afghanistan. Legal documents where created to make torture effectively illegal, wording was produced so that international law would not prohibit the use of torture and the ticking time bomb case was used to justify American foreign policy.

Perhaps I am seeing something that was not there, but is it just possible that the idea of making a difficult decision in a moral dilemma is being used in film to justify the politics and foreign policy of America? I wonder.

Thursday, 21 July 2011

My Hatred of Peter Dickson


This is just a rant. There is nothing clever, or interesting or fascinating about this blog post. If you want to read about politics or Rupert Murdoch or people dying in hospitals (it's a hospital, what do you expect? The news are going on about it as if five deaths in a hospital is some sort of surprise!) then go to the Guardian website. No, this is just pure, personal annoyance. I can't fucking stand the voice of Peter Dickson. There are a few people who have annoying voices, perhaps even more annoying than Mr. Dickson's. The difference is, unlike Peter Dickson, most people do not rely on their voice for their work.

If you are wondering exactly who Peter Dickson is, he is That voice-over man. You may not know his name but you will definitely have heard his voice. He does the voice-over work for The X-Factor, Live at the Apollo, most E4 adverts and Britain's Got Talent. It feels as if every programme in the UK which uses an announcer has to get Peter Dickson in. It has almost become the law. The programmes which do not use him (the only ones I have found whilst researching this rant are Strictly Come Dancing and the Lottery...that is is) stick out like a sore thumb.

He is the bloke who has a 'ruddy' good time, speaking like he is from some by-gone era that we are all aware of, even though it never existed. I cringe every time I heard it. It is so distinctive that it is a comedy voice. It is not a normal voice, and I highly doubt he speaks like that in his day to day life. Herein lies the problem. When I first heard his voice on E4 I found it quite amusing. It was different and clearly a joke voice. I don't think I literally laughed out loud, but I certainly found it amusing...the first time I heard it...five years ago. But now, in 2011, every time I want to see the Talent that Britain has to offer, I have to listen to that comedy voice. Every time I want to listen to Simon Cowell's opinions on the newest crop of bubblegum pop singers, I have to listen to that comedy voice. Every time I want to watch mainstream comedians doing shortened versions of their sets that I already saw at the previous year's Edinburgh festival, I have to listen to that comedy voice.

The problem is, now that his voice is being used in a non-comedic way, but it still retains the comedic distinction, it is as if that voice is somehow normal. Because it is on television all the time it has almost become the voice of our generation. In twenty five years time when Chanel Four is putting on a Saturday night documentary about television in the early 21st century, there will be a blur of images with his voice everywhere. I can't fucking stand it. I want to see normal voice overs on TV. Peter Dickson is ruining television.

Friday, 15 July 2011

Top Five T Moments

I have already written a blog about which five acts I enjoyed the most at T in the Park this year, but festivals are about more than just watching bands. There is a great atmosphere which means there are always special moments which will live long in the memory. I have decided to list my top five. A top five without flares or even the really fat man who was lifted up by about 10 people in the crowd during The Strokes, but here they are:

5. 'Fuck You Scotland!' - OFWGKTA

After House of Pain finished a fantastic set the next band due on the NME stage where called 'OFWGKTA'. Myself, like many others, where intrigued about this act with their impossible to pronounce name (I have subsequently found out that they are initials for Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All, whatever that means). It turned out they where an angry rap band with a fondness for the word 'Bitch' and shouting. We lasted one song before leaving, along with about half of the NME stage crowd. One of the 'singers' of OFWGKTA reacted like all angry rap band members should do, by screaming 'Fuck You Scotland' at the fiercely nationalist crowd. We laughed, went for a slash and made our way to the Main Stage to watch a set by a former Guns n Roses guitarist.

4. We Came Here To Dance, Not To Exercise!

At 2:45 PM on Sunday at Balado Air Field the heavens opened and there was rain so bad it went through my jacket, through my cardigan, through my T-shirt, through my jeans, boots and even undies. It was miserable, wet and cold. It didn't matter though, we where standing in the Inner Circle waiting to see Blondie. Who cares about rain when we have Blondie coming along to lift our spirits? However, at 3pm instead of being treated to a seminal pop/punk band from New York, two excitable young X-Factor wannabes took to the stage in eighties style spandex. They ran on and told the crowd that they where there to get us all dancing to Salt n Pepa's 'Push It'. They then ran through the entire dance and played the song, to a chorus of booing. The entire crowd seemed to boo. We were wet, we were cold, we were tired and we wanted Blondie! The two dancers where organised by the Scottish Government as part of a 'Keep Scotland Fit' campaign. Apparently in a place where all we do is dance, cheer and jump, what was needed was the government to get us dancing... I felt a little sorry for the two dancers who had boos and bottles hurled at them, but it really was not the time or place. I think the moment they finally left the stage elicited one of the largest cheers of the entire festival.

3. Mud Slides! Mud Hugs! Mud, Mud, Mud!

Walking back to the campsite on Sunday night involved mud. You couldn't avoid it, the place was covered. More impressively however where the legends who went for large mud slides. They got absolutely covered and would invariably chase anyone who looked in the least bit clean in order to give them a big muddy hug. Only in a music festival would you see a huge mud monster chasing a clean girl who is concerned that she might get a little mud on her! Mud slides, mud hugs and mud fights where the order of the evening. Funniest muddy moment had to include the people slipping over, often face first, right into the muddy oblivion. Poor buggers, but secretly really really funny. I just hope none of them slipped in the mud around the urinals.

2. Bohemian Rhapsody

Late on Sunday I ventured down to the Ballroom Jam Tent in order to get a good position for Eels. Before Eels however Noah and the Whale where due to play. Just before Noah and the Whale where about to go on stage there was an instrumental version of Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody played over the sound system. The tent was absolutely packed and everyone in there knew the song, word for word. It was a great sing along which reverberated and echoed throughout the packed tent. There where a few great sing-alongs throughout the festival, but there was something particularly good about Bohemian Rhapsody.

1. Thank You, and Good Bye...

Sunday happened to not only be the last day of T in the Park 2011 but also the date of the last ever edition of disgraced gutter rag 'The News of the World'. Instead of apologising for phone hacking scandal, the paper ran with the front page 'Thank you, and Good Bye'. Jarvis Cocker seemed quite angry at this. Cocker ranted about the 'News of the World' and produced a copy of the last ever edition. He then proceeded to remove the first page and wipe it against his backside, shouting 'This is the only good thing this bloody paper has been useful for in 168 years'.

Here are some photos of the incident (note, not taken by me):

Cocker during his rant about the 'news'paper.

And about five minutes later showing us what he thinks:




Pulp had a fantastic set and Jarvis Cocker's actions and obvious hatred of the Murdoch-owned paper was brilliant. All in all that makes up my top five moments of T in the Park 2011.

Tuesday, 12 July 2011

Stingy Bastard Week

After spending a ludicrous amount on and at T in the Park I looked at my balance online and was almost sick. I have not had this little money since before I got my current job and as I have tuition fees to pay for and do not yet have a job lined up for when I move to Glasgow I was, quite frankly, frightened.

I therefore decided to live on a budget of £20 per week for the foreseeable future (well, lets face it, until the Edinburgh Festival when I will be spending the best part of that for two pints). It was then that I remembered that I have a freezer full of food and a cupboard with a bit of food left in it as well. It made me realise that I do not actually need to spend any money whatsoever on food. I have decided to see if I can go a week without spending a penny on anything. It is currently 6pm on Tuesday the 12th of July, I want to go until 6pm on the 19th without having spent a penny.

I plan on doing this through various means. First of all, as I already alluded to, I have a fair amount of food in my freezer. This is a mixture of food I bought frozen, and food I bought which I knew I would not eat in time and therefore froze to keep safe. Recently I have become a lot more serious about not throwing out perfectly reasonable food, and now that is paying dividends.

Secondly, I have a few tins of soup and spaghetti hoops. These last a while and hopefully they will last me the week.

Thirdly, I have booze that I bought for T in the Park and have not yet consumed. This includes the best part of a box of wine and four tins of lager. I do not need to drink much and as I am working this week should hopefully keep the booze safe for some time past my week of non-spending.

Fourthly, I get food provided at work. For our breaks we are allowed food, usually a full meal from the hot-plate. All too often I decide I only fancy a small bowl of soup or a simple sandwich. From my shift tomorrow onwards I will make sure I eat a full meal so I am less hungry when I get home. Work also tends to throw out a few sandwiches and scones at the end of the day. I occasionally take one home when offered by the managers, now I will endeavour to take food home and eat it whenever the managers allow me to. Why let food which will be binned anyway go to waste? Particularly if I am trying to save money.

All in all I suppose I am trying to save money, but also show myself how I am spending money when I do not need to. I sort of hate myself for spending money on frivolous things when I do not have to. If I can go a week without spending money it will hopefully be the proof I need that I am spending too much and buying too much quite needlessly. This should also help me waste even less food as I have a loaf of bread and some bagels. Now I know I will not let them go off before eating them.

It is almost 6pm, and hence I start my week of not spending any money!

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