My Second Preference Is Yes

I am voting 'No' to AV, simply because I cannot understand why we would adopt a system like the alternative vote.

Given all the options of voting system where would you rank the Alternative Vote? For me it would be 7, above out-right dictatorship, below a system where the winner of Britain's Got Talent automatically inherits the empire. The difficulty is both those who want a more proportional system and people who want to keep the status quo don't want AV. Yet the idea of AV is gaining traction amongst the former group due to this myth that the voting system needs to be changed and any change is good change.

Any change is not good change.

There seems to be this myth that the current voting system is 'outdated' or inherently wrong, but I cannot see how this is the case. Quite simply had the most recent election been held under AV instead of FPTP I would have voted for the same candidate as my first choice...and that is it. This is known as a bullet vote, where a voter only votes for one candidate.

I would bullet vote, as I think would most people who have a strong political conviction. But what would happen to this conviction?

There is one thing and one thing only I want to change about the current political situation in the UK, and that is the Labour party. I wish they where more left wing. Under Ed Miliband I think Labour are taking a slight turn to the left, but under AV they would take another leap to the middle. They would have to. Instead of Labour going for their core voters they would go out of their way to prove to non-traditional Labour voters that they are an electable party, they would do this by becoming more middle-way. As would the Tories.

Views of conviction would disappear and we will be left with groups of parties clamouring towards the middle ground with the middle ground party picking up the secondary support of those of us who actually have the balls to have a political conviction. Having a political system where we have the choice of a centrist party, a centrist party with a slight left-leaning tradition or a centrist party with a slight right-wing ideology is not a better system than we currently have.

No wonder the Liberal Democrats love the idea so much.

The 'Kettle' Incident

Here is part two. Reading these has made me tempted to re-write them but with better English.

The 'Kettle' Incident

One thing, that anyone who’s ever lived in Halls will testify to, is that people like to pee. Not only do they like to pee, but they like to pee in places other than toilets. Not only do they like to pee in places other than toilets, they like to pee in places that everyone else doesn’t want to find urine. These places will inevitably include the kettle, the microwave, the showers (though you knew that already) and the fridge. A few weeks into living in halls you’re perception of what is and isn’t disgusting changes dramatically. From being a typical hypochondriac, obsessive compulsive middle class child, you suddenly turn into a disgusting, long haired waster with very questionable views on sanitation. So when you find out the next day that one of your mates has peed in the microwave, you hardly bat an eyelid. You nominate someone to give it a quick once over before you allow anyone to use it. Well, almost anyone.

As I may have mentioned before, I lived with a few people who liked a bit of mischief, sometimes this mischief turns into damn right disgustingness. As soon as we find out that someone has peed in one of the kitchen appliances we deliberately decide not to tell someone. On one occasion, that person was me.


I was always up for a night out, but once, when money was getting tight, and work was piling up, I decided, just that once, to go home early. The next morning, I awoke, walked through to the kitchen, and saw the usual group of hungover students that bless our kitchen every day till noon. As it was morning, I thought there would be nothing nicer than a warm cup of tea. I thought nothing of filling up the kettle, waiting for it to boil, pouring the water over my tea bag, and taking that initial sip of lukewarm tea. I thought nothing, of smiling at my hungover mates, feeling some sort of strange victory of actually being able to wake up without promising to never touch alcohol again. That’s when they decided to tell me; “Greenhill pissed in that kettle last night”

First Year at University

This is a blog I wrote a few years back during First Year at Uni. It is a fictional account of things that occurred in first year, pretty much everything I wrote did happen but I've used a little poetic license to change certain aspects of it. Anyway, thought I would post it on this blog as I never use my old one anymore. It comes in two parts, here is the first. Enjoy.

19th March 2008

I arrived back after a particularly gruelling episode of drinking to see Phil and Greenhill filling bottles of water, with that sort of mischevious look which meant only one thing: messing with Gav. Fraser, probably Gav’s best mate in halls went to Illa’s room, where ofcourse Gav was ‘Studying’. Naturally Gav opened the door, and began talking to Frasier. I watched, slightly confused, as Phil and Greenhill sprayed as much water as they could all over Gav before he closed the door.


Needless to say, Gav wasn’t happy. When he once again emerged from his room a few seconds later, it emerged that his Economics book had got soaked; for once he really was studying. He was garbed in his usual clothing of shorts and a shirt, suddenly Greenhill ran up to Gav and pulled down his shorts! Naturally the first thing Gav does is try to cover his surprisingly large appendage, leaving a bottle of water he’d hidden in his shorts to fall down to the ground, thus splashing him even more!


One would think Gav would be pissed off at this, but it wasn’t too bad. All he did was stop us from watching the footy highlights on his tv, nowhere near as bad as the time we stole his bed, chair, Strongbow’s and bin from his room. He was not happy with that, and sulked in his empty room for hours before he finally came through, demanding we tell him where we hid his bed. It was a pity really, his bed was nice to sit on in the kitchen. That time we missed the entire football game, never mind the highlights.


Back to the former incident (the now infamous ‘get Gav wet’ evening) the now soaked and exposed Gav went back to Illa’s room, no doubt for a bit of tlc, when Frasier noticed Collin out the window. Collin was the campus Goose, that through a bizarre series of experiments, believed he was a duck. The spotting of Collin inspired Greenhill to run outside and chase Collin into the Loch screaming “Why must you reject me Collin?” He sat down, looking extremely rejected, and as if his life had no meaning any more. The German student from the floor below who happened to be walking past seemed to wonder whether he should give some help to Greenhill. Wonder what he thinks of Scottish people after that? I could imagine his next phone call home could well have included the sentence; “These people are freaks, they fall in love with Geese”. Seems little wonder that he left a few weeks later


I decided to cut my losses and lock myself in my room. The days seemed to be getting freakier, fine and dandy usually, but remember this whole time I was drunk. Not only drunk, but the kind of drunk where you start to consider whether life is ever going to be good. The kind of drunk where listening to a Leanard Cohen album could just end up killing you. The kind of drunk where seeing one mate naked, and another get rejected by a goose seems to confirm all your theories about how shit life really is. It wasn’t till the next morning that I decided the opposite, those things proved how great life is, and how we really must enjoy the little things in life, it’s the lack of those that make a life not worth living.

This Year

At the moment life is proving to be rather exciting. In a few months time I will be graduating with a Bachelor of Arts with Honours in Politics and Philosophy from the University of Stirling. If that weren't enough to put my excitement level in overdrive come September I shall be enrolling in another degree, this time with the intention of achieving an MA in English from the University of Glasgow.

For a long time I have waited to get to the stage of graduation and as it nears I am becoming increasingly excited about actually finishing my degree. That added to the prospect of moving to a new city, meeting new people and being able to emerse myself fully in student life has made me feel that this year will be one of change, but positive change. As it stands I do have a few regrets about my university career. I feel I was too interested in simply drinking and going out as much as possible and did not experience everything university life has to offer.

I intend this to change when I embark on a new course. At Glasgow there is a Chess club, a philosophy society, various political organisations and the chance to emerse myself within the student council and union systems. I am also interested in perhaps trying a new sport and the prospect of trying my hand at the student papers. Studying English will hopefully improve my writing style (as it is erratic at best and incomprehensible at worst) and being able to practice in a medium I am not used to I think will be great fun.

Sorry to anyone reading this blog, it is essentially just me rambling on about myself and my prospective future but I wanted to write it down and check how my new blog design looks and feels. I am going to try and write more here so a new design to go with a new start in familiar terretory is the theme for today.

"I am going to make it through this year if it kills me" The Mountain Goats

A Tip for the Non-Tippers

“I don’t tip” Mr Pink utters in the iconic tipping scene at the opening of Reservoir Dogs “No I don’t believe in it.” Choosing not to tip is something society looks down upon. Being a non-tipper lies somewhere between smoking and having a mullet in the social scale of societal acceptability.

But why is this the case?

In America they operate by a system where the employee earns a basic wage which is less than the minimum wage, the theory is that through constant tips from customers the amount of money the waiter or bartender earns is above the minimum wage. In effect the customer is paying the wages of the employee. To counter the extra expense the price of food and drink does not factor in the higher wages of the employees and is therefore cheaper.

What of the UK though? Here employees are paid at least minimum wage and any tips we give are additional. On top of this we are already paying the wages of the employee as it is factored into the prices. Based on this simple principle, I, generally speaking, do not tip.

In first year at university I could not find a job and was in debt. At the time I was only just managing to keep my overall balance of my bank account above my overdraft and I was being careful with my money. However it was soon one of my hall-mates birthdays and to celebrate we all went to a restaurant to celebrate. I factored the prices up on the menu by choosing one of the cheaper options and sticking to water. I also divided the price of the birthday boy’s meal and bottle of wine by the number of guests at the table so I knew exactly how much money I would hand over.

To my surprise this was not enough for my fellow students. One of them asked me for my contribution towards the tip. I refused and about half of the table reacted angrily and shocked. One used the excellent logical argument which went along the lines of “I used to be a waitress and I hated it when people didn’t tip!” I stated my case. I was a student, without a job who was only eating a meal to celebrate my friend’s birthday. Why should I, someone with very little money and no income, give some of that limited amount of money to someone who does have a job?

On that occasion it turned out about half the table agreed with my point and most of us did not pay a tip. I still think a couple of them harbour ill-feelings about that incident though.

I do not think it is simply due to being selfish. The whole idea of tipping seems wrong to me, why do hairdressers and waiters and waitresses get tips whilst other people on the minimum wage (like myself) do not get tips? There have been reports that in Cuba at a time when all people were paid exactly the same amount that Doctors were quitting their jobs in hospitals and local practices to become Waiting staff as the tips from tourists meant they were paid considerably more.

My last problem with tipping is that I do not understand why we use a percentage system. What does the percentage of the cost of the meal have to do with the merits or demerits of the waiting staff?

Let me use this example, you go in and you buy three cokes and a burger. The waitress has to come to take your order (1) come back with your first coke (2) come back with your meal (3) comes back to give you the second coke (4) then comes back to clear your plate (5) then comes back with your third coke (6) then gives you the bill (7).

That bill may come to (for example) £15. Society deems 10% of the total bill an acceptable tip. Therefore the tip you give comes to £1.50.

Now picture another scenario. You decide to order the Lobster meal and a bottle of nice white wine.

The waitress has to come to take your order (1) to get you your bottle of wine (2) to get you your meal (3) to clear your meal (4) and then to present you with the bill (5).

Now this is a lobster and a bottle of wine, considerably more expensive than a burger and a few glasses of coke, so lets say the bill this time comes to £45. 10% of that is £4.50 so you give a tip which is three times as good as you gave to the previous waitress even though this waitress only assisted you only five times. That means that the waitress who worked harder and assisted you more often gets a worse tip, simply because of using a weird percentage system.

There are certain occasions where I do tip, but generally speaking I do not. I think it is strange that we have arbitrary destinations between which jobs deserve tips and which do not. I do not like the percentage system which has nothing to do with the difficulty of the job or effort of the employee. In a country where the employees are paid at least the minimum wage by their employer I do not feel it is my duty, as a fellow minimum wage earner, to pay them additional wages. That is why I do not tip.

As Scotland Burns'

Today, the 25th of January, Scots and their numerous descendants come together for the annual Burns’ Supper to celebrate the life and works of our national poet. On the anniversary of his birth it is traditional for us to eat Haggis and recite the Bard’s numerous poems in a spate of mass nationalistic pride.

Although I think there are numerous poets who are considerably better than Burns, his influence and cultural importance is undeniable. In Scotland we are brought up listening to songs written around his poetry and his liberal use of the Scot’s language puts him at the centre of Scottish cultural nationalism. His influence even extends out of his home country with ‘Auld Lang Syne’ being sang across numerous countries.

I enjoy haggis and I enjoy being Scottish. Really a night like this should be something I should enjoy. However nights like Burns’ Night and days like St Andrew’s day, rather than make me proud to be Scottish make me feel incredibly localised and cut off from the real world. Although I have lived in Scotland most of my life, support the football team and have picked up customs distinct to Scotland, I feel that my true culture is a British one. The imposed cultural celebrations of nights like tonight reject British culture and focus entirely on traditional aspects of Scottish culture, which makes the entire thing feel incredibly twee.

I think our culture has changed. Our culture consists of more than just old Scottish words, short-bread and haggis. The age old Clan system of our history are completely absent from our day to day lives. We are not fighting off invading English armies (which consisted mainly of Scots) in wars of independence. Most of us can hardly speak a word of Gaelic. But when it comes to a day set out to celebrate our culture it seems to be this historic culture that we feel the need to revive.

Things I like about being Scottish may be a little quirky. I like the fact we have Irn Bru, our own sugar filled soft drink. I enjoy the nuances of our accents. I like the amount of alcohol we drink. I like our pubs, towns, cities, football stadia, health service, coffee shops, comedians, musicians, festivals and so much more. Many of these things are distinct to Scotland, many are not. To me being Scottish has nothing to do with wearing a tartan kilt, eating haggis and dancing to the Gay Gordon’s (though I have to admit at times I indulge in all three), it is so much more than that.

I want to celebrate modern Scottish culture, I am quite happy to have our heritage celebrated as well, but my fear is that all we celebrate is our heritage and this cultural nationalism which takes over might spill into irreversible political nationalism based on the history and dead culture of our past.

Enjoy your haggis tonight, I will close with my favourite Burns’ stanza.

A prince can mak a belted knight,

A marquise, duke, an' a' that;

But an honest man's aboon his might,

Gude faith, he maunna fa' that!

For a' that, an' a' that,

Their dignities an' a' that,

The pith o' sense, an' pride o' worth,

Are higher rank than a' that.

What Frightens Me

There has been a lot written recently about the proposed rise in tuition fees at English universities so I am going to write only a few short points on my view.

There are three things that particularly scare me about this proposed change.

1. Education for those with money -

Poorer students will find it harder to get into university. Whilst there will be safeguards in place it will be students with rich parents who will be able to afford a higher education and not those with lower middle-class or working class families. University educations are no longer the preserve of the elite, they are becoming increasingly essential in an ever-competative job market. I fear it will be the case that people from poorer families will suffer not only due to having a lack of opportunity for further education, but suffer in the job market as well.

2. They can charge what they decide -

This frightens me. Whilst I there will surely be an upper limit in place not all universities will charge the full amount possible, it would be unviable. Universities will still need to attract enough students to pay for the courses. But what is to stop the top universities from charging the full amount possible? It would lead to Oxbridge and universities of its ilk being able to charge a considerably higher amount than less popular universities as they know that no matter what they charge there will still be students queuing up to study at their establishments. This will naturally lead to those better off going to the better universities. I fear this particularly as not only will it be more difficult for a less well off prospective student to be able to afford a university education, it will also be more difficult for them to afford choice in their establishment and potentially a better education. Do we really want a situation where richer people are better educated?

3. We have been lied to -

By 'we' I mean students. There was a huge push by the Liberal Democrats about abolition of tuition fees in the election campaign and it convinced a lot of progressive students to vote Lib Dem. They abolished them in Scotland and they claimed they intended to do the same in England. However it now appears not only have they rescinded this promise now that they are in government, but they are actually going in the other direction. Vince Cable can claim that they 'need' to do it due to the debt they have 'inherited' from Labour, but the simple truth is that they don't. The coalition is hell-bent on cutting quickly and ruthlessly. Cuts do need to be made, but not to the extent that they currently are. Our credit rating is good, we do not need to balance the books. Remember John Keynes? He was the one who showed that the books do not need to stay constantly balanced. Blame him if you like for the debt, but do not forget that Keynes was not Labour, he was a Liberal Democrat.

All in all it is frightening. English students, come up to Scotland.