"Shit" I muttered. I had written some stuff down, some great stuff about the hypocrisy of the church and the injustices which had got me into such trouble. These days the last words are spoken before the Priest reads out the last rites. In my head I liked the juxtaposition between my anti-theistic rant and the Priest going on about my soul being saved. Unfortunately though in a lapse of concentration I had left my notes in my cell. I knew I could make something up on the spot but I knew it would not have the same punch. What did it matter then anyway?
"No," I answered solemnly, "Shit will do."
My wife who was sitting in the public gallery gave me a disapproving look, as if I should somehow be recognising her. 'Fuck her.' I thought. If I am unable to rant about the hypocrisy of religion then why should I waste my last words on her?
"Shall we?" I remember asking. Ultimately they would prove to be my absolute final earthly words, 'Shall we?' Not the final punch I was looking for but I was tired and it seemed that the only person in the room with any interest in proceedings, the Priest, was getting anxious to get his part out of the way.
I had met Father Mann just once before, a couple of days before. He was young, very young. I still couldn't get over the idea of calling someone that young "Father".
He walked into my cell that day and timidly sat down. "Are you nervous?" was the first thing he said after introducing himself. I told him I was not. I knew that once I died I would be buried in the ground, or burned in a casket or maybe thrown off a boat but by then it would not matter, I would be dead.
"I'm nervous" he said. He was too. I was to be his first. I was going to be his first capital punishment case. I smiled at him. I suppose it made me happy that whilst it would be the end of something special for me, it would be the beginning of something special for him.
"May the blessing of God Almighty the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Ghost descend upon you and remain with you always." Father Mann said. I remember being somewhat put out that there was only one line said, then again it was his first time so the less to remember the better and why waste a decent prayer on a notorious Atheist anyway?
There was a pause. It was sort of awkward, at least I found it awkward. It seemed to last forever, this pause after the Priest had finished. Everything had turned somewhat sombre. Perhaps they where reflecting on the deep meaning behind what Father Mann had just said. Either way I could not cope with it any more.
"Shall We?" I repeated as I nodded towards the noose.
A hood was put over my head and darkness seemed to descend. I could hear the coroner repeating my crime and sentence as I felt the noose slip across my neck. Finally it was over. What they fail to tell you when you are sentenced to hang is how utterly boring it all is. Instead of just getting you in there, killing you and getting you out of there they force a sick ceremony upon you. Maybe it is to make them feel better about what they are doing or to try and put meaning on it. It just bored me. There is nothing meaningful about death, no matter how to dress it up.
With the noose tied around me, and another moment of silence I fell.
"You should have closed your eyes," the man with the wings said "you should see what your body looks like with your eyes popping out like that."
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