Top Five Words I'm Bringing Back!

Since moving down to the central belt of Scotland I have noticed that many of the words and expressions I grew up using are not used down here. I have had people get confused at things I say, people laugh at what I say and people even refusing to believe that the words I am using are 'real' words. Quite frankly, I am sick of it. I am sick of going to a chippy and not a chipper, I am sick of eating bacon rolls instead of bacon softies and if I hear one more person put 'eh?' at the end of every sentence instead of the far more normal work of 'like?' then I think I am going to get on a bussie (not bus) home.

I was going to compile a list for people unfortunate enough to have been born outwith the North East of Scotland of what words should actually be used, but then I noticed that even regular British English terms, such as 'biscuit', are being replaced with Americanised rubbish, like 'cookie'.

Perhaps five is not enough, but welcome to my list of the top five words and phrases which I am bringing back into regular conversation!

5. Fairy Cake - Replacing 'Cup Cake'

Agh! Fairy cake is such a fantastic term. There is no noun in the English language which cannot be improved without the word 'Fairy' preceding it. Yet for some reason it seems increasingly popular to call the poor little things 'Cup Cakes'. The term offends me deeply. I was heartened by the BBC website yesterday when I noticed that they had a recipe for 'Fairy Cakes', not 'Cup Cakes'. As far as I am concerned they have just justified the license fee.

4. Chipper - Replacing 'Chippie'

On twitter today I courted controversy by ranting about the term 'Chippie'. I hate the term 'Chippie'. To me a chippie is a stone (literally a chipped stone), similar to a chuckie, yet it seems that since I have moved down to the central belt of Scotland that everyone calls it a 'Chippie'. To me it always has been, and always will be a chipper. Could you imagine going to the 'World Famous Bervie Chippie'? Of course not! Yet four separate people on twitter and two more on facebook rejected 'Chipper' for 'Chippy'. I fear I may be too late on this one.

3. Softie - Replacing 'Roll'

A softie is a round bread thing. It seems to be called a 'roll' here in Edinburgh, and possibly other parts of the UK as well. However where I am from, and I am sure much of the UK, the correct term is 'Softie'. The term 'roll', is just confusing. Firstly if you go into a bakers and ask for a 'Roll' how do you know if you will end up walking home with a bread roll or if you will end up with a Buttery or Rowie? Secondly, if you want a sausage softie, how do you ask for it? Ask any self-respecting bakers for a Sausage Roll and they will give you the savoury pastry snack, not the sausage softie you require!

2. Advertisement - Replacing 'Advertisement'

I admit this one makes very little sense written down as both words are spelt the same and mean the exact same thing but are pronounced completely differently. An Advertisement should be pronounced 'Advertis-ment', however it seems to be becoming increasingly common to hear people pronounce it 'Advertize-ment'. It is a pet hate of mine but everyone from members of my own family to people on television seem to be watching 'Advertize-ments' instead of 'advertisements'. It is almost as bad as people who send out 'invites' instead of 'invitations'.

1. Quine - Replacing 'Girl'

I use the term 'girl' all the time, and very occasionally use the word 'lassie'. In fact I almost never call girls 'quines' in regular speech. Growing up in an area where 'Quine' is commonly used I still said 'girl' instead. However this must change. 'Quine' is a fantastic word, it rolls off the tongue, it sounds brilliant and really girls should be called 'quines' and treated as 'quines'. If you are wondering the North East term for 'boy' is actually 'loon'. Really boys should be called 'loons'... I am taking it upon myself to start calling girls 'Quines' from now on. It is time to take my language back!