The Problem With Shopping

I hate shopping. I really hate shopping.

To clarify that statement, I don't hate all shopping. I quite enjoy browsing books and looking at CDs and the occasional foray into a tacky tourist shop can be amusing and illuminating (so that is what other countries think Scottish people are like). It is clothes shopping I cannot stand. The whole experience is utterly humiliating and boring. You have to drag yourself from one stuffy shop to another, avoiding the crowds of people who seem to move at an extraordinarily slow pace in order to buy things which are essential, not entertaining.

This is particularly true of jeans shopping. Jeans are essential items but they are a nightmare to buy. Getting a pair which fits perfectly feels pretty much impossible. Either they fit your waist but are too long, or too short. Maybe the length is right but they are clearly too tight around your thighs, which up until now you hadn't realised were bigger than the 'average' person. Once in a while you will think you have struck gold, a pair of jeans which fit your waist, fit your legs and are even the right length. Then you look down and see a pronounced bulge coming from your pelvis and you realise that these jeans definitely expose too much to wear in public.

And that is just the jeans themselves. Before you have even got to the 'trying them on' stage you have to find a shop and deal with shop people. Walking into Topman is daunting, the ludicrously good looking sales staff give you that look, that one which says 'you don't belong here'. Everyone else in the shop appears to be skinny and pulling off a sort of indy chic that belongs in an episode of Skins, not a shopping department.

Eventually you will find a pair of jeans which aren't perfect, but are good enough. After two hours of searching for the holy grail you will try on one pair of jeans which are a little tight, and a little long but you will utter the best five words known to man 'Fuck it, that will do'. You then find out the one piece of good news you've had all day, the jeans you have selected are in the 5% off section. Brilliant, you are saving a couple of pounds which can be spent on a coffee or hot dog. Brilliant.

You take the jeans up to the counter, tired, frustrated and desperate to get home. You hand over the jeans and show your student card to get your 15% student discount only to be told by an uppity member of the sales staff that 'Student discount doesn't apply on sale items', in a voice which makes this little piece of information seem so obvious you are an idiot for not knowing that student discount doesn't apply on sale items.

You walk out of the shop, dejected, unhappy and with some new jeans which don't even fit right.

Long story short, I hate shopping.